Forming new habits is hard; breaking bad habits can be even harder. Trying to change our patterns of behavior isn’t easy once we’ve become accustomed to doing (or not doing) things a certain way. That’s why they’re called “habits.”
The main reason so many resolutions fail is not using the right strategy. You can stack the odds of success in your favor by understanding the nature of habit and by following a clear strategy.
Assess the habit you want to make or break
Observation is key to understanding the habit or lack of ability to create the habit you want. The three components are the Trigger, the Action, and the Pay-off.
Determine the Action
- What habit do you want to create/stop?
- What is the specific action that is happening or that you want to happen?
Determine the Trigger
- Think about what happens right before the action.
- What situation, person, thought, or circumstance triggers the action?
- If you’re creating a habit, what could you use for a trigger?
Determine the Pay-off
- Why do you do this action? Or why do you want to?
- How does it make you feel?
- What are you really looking for?
Make a change
Change whichever of these is the problem.
Break a habit:
- Think of a different behavior that will give the same pay-off.
- Question if you really want that pay-off.
- Change or remove the trigger.
Create a habit:
- You know the desired action.
- Can you think of a trigger you can use or create that will remind you to take the action?
- Make sure your reward is strong enough.
Two examples
The afternoon candy bar – During the midafternoon break you hit the vending machine for your daily Snickers bar.
- Action – The action is pretty clear here.
- Trigger – What happens right before? You look at the clock, others in the office are taking a break, your stomach grumbles.
- Pay-off – What is the real pay-off? Are you hungry? Bored? Tired? Need to get away from your desk?
- Solutions – go for a walk, eat a piece of fruit, close your office door, etc.
Morning exercise:
- Action – Get your butt moving.
- Find a trigger – Put your sneakers by the side of the bed or in front of the coffee maker, arrange to meet an exercise buddy, set a reminder on your phone, etc. For me it’s the school bus. Every morning, when my son leaves for school, I wave goodbye, grab my sneakers and go. Odd trigger, but it works.
- Make sure the pay-off is strong enough – Fitting into my skinny clothes isn’t strong enough for me, but staying healthy, strong, and active for my grandson (and future babies) is. Grandma in the rocking chair doesn’t cut it for me. He loves to bounce and giggle while he’s in the jogging stroller and I carry him in one arm while I vacuum with the other – he weighs a lot, so I need some muscles. As I age, I want to run up and down the soccer field or run around the bases without getting winded, ride bikes, go hiking and more. This is very important to me…important enough to lace up those sneakers when I’m dying to sit and have another cup of coffee…
Some important tips
Change one habit at a time – You’ll see the best results if you focus on only one habit at a time. We only have so much energy and attention to spare. The secret is to build one habit on top of another, letting one success propel you to the next. Momentum is a beautiful thing.
Make it defined and doable – Be very specific about the behavior to be changed. I want to run a marathon, lose 20 pounds, earn more money are goals, not habits. Habits are specific behaviors done consistently that form a pattern. Take a walk every day, do my most important task before I check e-mail, go to bed by 10, make my bed every morning, be on time for appointments, those are all habits.
Small and simple – Smaller is generally easier. Sweeping change is incredibly difficult. Gradual and lasting change starts with small changes and builds. Exercising for 20 min., then as that becomes easier make it longer. Instead of getting up or going to bed an hour earlier, try moving it up slowly. Swap out the afternoon cookie, then tackle the late night snacking.
Accountability – Track your success (or failure) as you go along ( on paper or electronically.) Tell someone and ask him or her to check in on a regular basis. Get a habit buddy. Establishing accountability strengthens our commitment and acts as incentive.
Most of us have a list of habits we want to change, but we just haven’t been able to get it done. Contrary to popular opinion (usually our own) it’s usually not because we’re lazy or weak-willed, it’s just a matter of having the right approach.
