Tag Archives | Health

How Guilt Holds Us Back

By on May 18, 2012 in Happiness, Mood, Personal Growth

So many of us live under an oppressive cloud of heavy guilt. We are plagued by regret of decisions made and actions taken, words spoken, or opportunities not explored. We feel as though we have done so many things wrong and we forget about all of the things that we have done right.

We apologize, we try to make amends wherever possible, but it’s never enough. We cannot forgive ourselves for those things we did or did not do in the past. We drag this guilt into the present and carry it with us into the future. We have held onto it for so long that it has become a part of us.

If we make mistakes, if we hurt others, if we missed an opportunity that life presented us, of course we should feel sorry. Absolutely we should apologize. Wherever possible we should make amends. Definitely, we should learn from our missteps and not repeat them. However, beating ourselves up and refusing to forgive ourselves, derails our happiness, and has harmful consequences on the decisions we make now and how we treat others.

Guilt, shame, and regret serve no purpose. A worthy conscience certainly helps us to learn from our poor choices and prevents us from repeating the same mistakes over and over again. But guilt is about punishment and self-retribution. It keeps us in a self-inflicted prison of pain. It keeps us stuck in the past and doesn’t allow us to express our greatness or experience the fullness of life.

Accept your mistakes as a step along the path to who you are today.

Let the guilt go. Release the past. Forgive yourself. Embrace your future. It’s time.

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Motivation + Perseverance + Meaning = Life Success, Part 3

By on May 16, 2012 in Make a Difference, Purpose

When we are talking about life success, we are talking about not only achieving goals and financial success but also a high quality life in general, meaningful relationships, good health, enjoyment and laughter a fulfilling connection to the world outside of us. We have talked about how motivation and perseverance play a role in achieving a life of satisfaction and success. If you missed those posts, I recommend you read Part 1 and Part 2 first.

But meaning is also an important factor in achieving life success; it’s possibly the most important one. There needs to be purposefulness in both your life and your work in order for us to be truly fulfilled.

What exactly do we mean by “meaning?”

For our purposes, we will define meaning as purposefulness, a driving force or perhaps even a mission. If something fulfills us, touches us in some way, or feels worthwhile. If it makes us say, “Yes, this is good and right,” then it probably has meaning to us.

When you discover your mission, you will feel its demand. It will fill you with enthusiasm and a burning desire to get to work on it. - W. Clement Stone

How do we know what is meaningful to us?

It calls to us, it compels us to action, it sparks our passion, or evokes strong feelings. These things signify meaning and they will differ, sometimes drastically from person-to-person, organization to organization. It really doesn’t matter what we find meaningful, what matters is that we recognize what is meaningful to us and we tried to incorporate that into our lives. Finding meaning in what we do and how we live may truly be the most significant factor in the quality of our lives.

Types of things that may have meaning to us:

 

Using our talents and skills in a way that benefits the world around us. – Each of us has a special gift of some kind that brings us joy and satisfaction. We may be compelled to look for and explore these talents and gifts or we may not recognize that the skills we possess are actually very important and useful.

What is your special talent, skill, or gift that you have to offer?

Upholding our values – If something angers us or feels unjust in some way, if we feel compelled to act or speak out in some way, there is usually something happening in our lives or the world around us that is in conflict with our values. When we take action when we defend an innocent, when we take a stand or try to correct a wrong, we are expressing our values. Our values clearly have meaning to us and in many ways drive the decisions we make.

What do you believe is right? What is important? What do you value? Whom do you champion?

Growing as individuals – When we seek to improve some aspect of ourselves or to expand and stretch beyond our previous limits, that growth, that expansion has meaning to us. It may be meaningful to improve our health, to gain knowledge, to explore our creativity, to develop a deeper awareness of what’s inside us, or to cultivate a stronger connection to that which is beyond our individual selves. Expansion and growth provide a strong sense of meaning.

How do you seek to grow or expand yourself as an individual?

Growing as a society – When we are compelled to improve upon the world around us, to make our community, our world better in some way it speaks to something meaningful inside us. A desire to right a social injustice, help others preserve our world and our history or to affect in a positive way the future legacy we are leaving those who come after us is indicative of something that is fiercely meaningful to us.

What do you strongly feel needs to be changed in the world around you? Moreover, what role do you feel you can play in bringing about that change?

Knowing what has meaning to us can be a heavy and deep concept. However, finding why we do what we do, what drives us to succeed, to excel and to push ourselves beyond our limits, what calls to us, what compels us, what makes our hearts sing, or our blood boil, is the key to life success.

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In Defense of Instant Gratification

By on May 11, 2012 in Fun!, Habits, Happiness, Questions, Stress

The precept of delayed gratification has been preached to us, drummed into our heads, until we no longer question it. It has been awarded lauded status, an unquestionable tenet, almost a commandment. “Thou shalt delay gratification.”

We learn this message early in life. Many of us cling to this rule, to the point of martyrdom.

Work before play, save for the future, the payoff is somewhere down the road, pleasure and enjoyment must be earned through hard work.

You know who you are. My hand is in the air!

If your hand is not in the air, you probably don’t need to read the rest of this post.

What it isn’t

We have a pervasive misconception of what instant gratification is. Indulgence, excess, possessions we can’t afford, too much play and not enough work, self-centered wandering lives, with no purpose or meaning. But that’s not what instant gratification really is.

Instant gratification is not the same thing as laziness. It’s not selfishness. It’s not shortsightedness. It’s not a lack of self-motivation.

What it is

The true definition of instant gratification is enjoying our lives, in the present moment. The problem is that most of us are at one end of the spectrum or the other. We are either self-indulgent, or self-denying. Or… We practice self-denial, then binge in self-indulgence, then feel guilty, and punish ourselves by practicing self-denial.

Instant gratification and delayed gratification are not mutually exclusive. Why can’t they coexist?

Wouldn’t life be better, more enjoyable, if we could both plan for the future, and reward ourselves right now?

  • Are we afraid that if we have fun now we won’t want to work hard later?
  • Are we worried that if we eat dessert now will never get to the vegetables?

It’s important to question those unwritten rules that we learned along the way. See if they still apply? Were they ever in our best interests? If we ever intend to be mindful, successful, and truly enjoyed our lives, we need to think for ourselves.

How to use it

How can we use both instant gratification and delayed gratification to achieve be happy, lower stress, balanced, yet successful and meaningful lives that we all desire?

  • Can we save for the future and indulge in some “luxuries” now?
  • Can we work hard and still find time for play today?
  • Can we have full lives and still take time for ourselves every occasionally?
  • Can we be disciplined, determined, and driven, yet still do something fun and frivolous with our time?

Your turn

Your challenge, should you choose to accept it…

Question this belief for yourself. Practice instant gratification at least once this week and see how you feel about it.

Your thoughts? Where do you fall on the spectrum?

Are you an instant gratifier or a delayed gratifier? How and why?

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Make a Career Out of Being Happy

By on May 3, 2012 in Happiness, Work

 

A friend sent this excerpt to me recently and it struck a chord, so perhaps it will with you as well.

“A very good career choice would be to gravitate toward those activities and to embrace those desires that harmonize with your core intentions, which are freedom and growth—and joy. Make a “career” of living a happy life rather than trying to find work that will produce enough income that you can do things with your money that will then make you happy. When feeling happy is of paramount importance to you—and what you do “for a living” makes you happy—you have found the best of all combinations.”

- Excerpted from the book “Money and the Law of Attraction: Learning to Attract Health, Wealth and Happiness”

Let me be very clear, I’m not saying quit your job if it doesn’t make you happy and go on some spiritual quest for happiness and hope that money flows to you.

What I am saying is that, I think there is validity in the premise that if we try to align our career choices with our intentions, values, passion and talents, that not only will we be happier, we are likely to be more successful as well.

Your turn

Have you found this to be true in your life? Care to share?

 

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Motivation + Perseverance + Meaning = Life Success, Part 2

By on April 24, 2012 in Goals, Habits, Motivation, Personal Growth, Productivity, Work

Perseverance is the second steppingstone to a higher quality life. We covered motivation in last week’s post. If you miss that post, I suggest you read Part 1 first.

What is perseverance?

Perseverance, according to the dictionary is a “steady and continued action or belief, usually over a long period and especially despite difficulties or setbacks.”

Perseverance is what keeps us from giving up, when the going gets rough. It’s what helps us get up when we’ve been knocked down. It pushes us to knock on that door, when the last 100 have slammed in our faces. It even helps us keep our focus on the goal when the path seems exceedingly boring. Most of all, it enables us to strive for the goal, even when it doesn’t seem within our reach.

Most of the important things we hope to accomplish in life will require at least a small dose of perseverance. The really important things, a huge dose.

“The more we must persevere, the greater the accomplishment.”

 

Real-life examples of perseverance

  • Building a successful business or career
  • Ahieving a weight goal
  • Running a marathon
  • Completing your education
  • Having a long-lasting, satisfying marriage
  • Parenting through the teen years (enough said)

Perseverance can be learned

Perseverance is a trait, a behavior, a skill that can be learned like any other skill. It’s a muscle. It takes time and effort. But it does get easier with practice. We practice perseverance by being a completionist. By setting smaller goals as well as large ones. By pushing ourselves, a little further beyond the point to which we think we cannot pass. A little bit more each time

Perseverance strategies:

1. Follow through on promises, to others as well as yourself.

2. Set small goals that are just a bit beyond your comfort zone. Repeat.

3. Envision achieving success in your endeavor when your hard work will finally pay off.

4. Use affirmations or motivational strategies to get in the proper mindset.

5. Finish everything you start! (Barring major catastrophes)

6. Tie up loose ends. Everything you leave undone is a constant reminder of your failure to successfully complete a project.

7. Get an accountability partner that you can count on to push you.

8. Celebrate! You are building your perseverance muscle.

All of these strategies help to build confidence in your ability to persevere when faced with obstacles. Building your perseverance skill, it’s all about believing that you can do it. Once you have done it, you know you can do it again. And over and over and over…

We know you can do it. We have faith in you. Now you just have to convince yourself.

Your turn

Where do you most need or want to persevere in your life?

Choose at least one strategy and get to it. Care to share?

 

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Why Positivity Might be the Secret to Life and Work Success

By on March 12, 2012 in Inspiration

Not only are these ideas wonderfully inspirational, but incredibly useful as well. But how can we incorporate them into our own lives and work? We can start by asking some questions.

Let’s take a closer look:

P is for the Potential that was given to each one

  • Are we living up to our full potential?
  • Do we even know our full potential is?
  • What can we do differently to live up to our potential?
  • What is holding us back?

O is Opportunity – we must grasp it when it comes

  • Are we open to new possibilities?
  • Do we grab new opportunities when they are presented to us?
  • What holds us back?
  • Why are we afraid to try stretch outside our comfort zone?

S is the Stress we all try to relive

  • Why do we tolerate the stress in our lives?
  • What are the biggest stressors in our lives?
  • What or who do we need to step away from?
  • How can we reduce stress?

I is for the Ideals we should try to achieve

  • What ideals do we wish to live by?
  • How well are we doing that?
  • If not, why or what is keeping us from sticking to our ideals?
  • How can we cultivate a stronger connection to our true ideals?

T is the Tranquility we all find on the way

  • Do we have a measure of tranquility in our lives?
  • What is the lack of peace and calm costing us?
  • What things or activities bring us tranquility?
  • How can we incorporate those items into our lives more?

V is for the Vacuum that in our life we try to fill

  • What hole are we trying to fill?
  • What are we trying to fill it with?
  • How is that behavior hurting?
  • What could we do differently?

I is for the Instincts that we follow at will

  • When do we follow our instincts and when do we not?
  • What prevents us from following our gut instincts?
  • What is the most difficult aspect of our lives to follow our instincts?
  • How might we trust in our instincts more?

T is for the Tribulations of each day we are alive

  • What is the greatest source of our tribulations?
  • Are our challenges due to unforeseen circumstance or due our own behaviors?
  • Is there a way we might better prepare to face life’s difficulties?
  • Who might be a source of support?

Y is for a mighty YES and determination to survive

  • What have we said YES to and why is it important to us?
  • What have we been afraid to say YES to and why?
  • Are we truly committed to our goals and desires?
  • How might we develop a greater sense of perseverance?

When we can answer these questions for ourselves, we will be much closer to living the life we desire.

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