Tag Archives | Happiness

Favorite No-Fail Unhappiness Prescription

By on April 19, 2013 in Health & Wellness, Life Juice, Mind Matters

unhappy_face-picEver have those days? Days when you think to yourself, “How can I be so unhappy…in the middle of a happy life?”  I had one of those days this week and I know I am not alone.

The day when…

The big house you wanted with all of the room for the kids, seems too much to care for…

The spouse, children, pets (take your pick) that you love dearly, are driving you nuts…

The work you usually find fulfilling is a dreaded chore…

The activities that bring you joy (this blog included,) feel like an onerous weight…

The life you’ve created, that makes you happy, feels like a ball and chain weighing you down…

Is it stress, overload, exhaustion, maybe the weather or some kind of brain receptors misfiring? Who knows? Whatever the instigation for the temporary funk of discontent, it stinks…

The only solution I’ve found that works for me is to “get out of my life” and “get into the life around me.” Even just for a few minutes, we need to get perspective and a bit of distance from those things that in this moment seem so big, so annoying, so worrisome.

My Unhappiness Prescription: Lace up the sneakers, put the grandson in the stroller, hook the leash on the greyhound and head out the door…away, even for a few moments, away…from the momentary attack of unhappiness.

In honor of poetry month, I thought I’d try my hand at an “Unhappiness Prescription” poem…

 

One foot in front of the other

Breathe in, breathe out

Hear the birds

Smell the grass

See the clouds, the sun

The world goes on around me

Outside of my head

Life is happening

The world is alive

I am not alone

The dog is sniffing and trotting happily

The baby is squealing with delight

I turn my face to the sun

Smile

Yes, life is happening

The world is alive

Sometimes life is hard

Some days it’s downright crappy

But outside of those moments of unhappiness

Lies a good life

Sometimes it just takes a change of “scenery” to see it for what it really is

…And I am not alone

 

I am not a poet, it’s clear, but I’m feeling pretty darn proud of myself that I just wrote that…and you know what…that makes me…Happy.

Thanks for reading…

What do you do when you find yourself in an “Unhappiness funk?” 

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Which Type Are You? Upholder, Questioner, Rebel or Obliger…Fascinating

By on April 17, 2013 in Mind Matters, Productivity & Organization

 

Fascinating concept… Four Categories of Personality. I read about this on Psych Central (Yeah…I’m a psychology buff…feeds my obsession with figuring out how people work.)

In a nutshell, according to this rationale, developed by Gretchen Rubin, people fall into one of four categories: Upholder, Questioner, Rebel, or Obliger, depending on how they respond to external rules and internal rules.

Upholders respond to both inner and outer rules; Questioners question all rules, but can follow rules they endorse (effectively making all rules into inner rules); Rebels resist all rules; Obligers respond to outer rules but not to inner rules. To read more, go here.

Upholders wake up and think, “What’s on the schedule and the to-do list for today?” They’re very motivated by execution, getting things accomplished. They really don’t like making mistakes, getting blamed, or failing to follow through (including doing so to themselves).

Questioners wake up and think, “What needs to get done today? “They’re very motivated by seeing good reasons for a particular course of action. They really don’t like spending time and effort on activities they don’t agree with.

Rebels wake up and think, “What do I want to do today?” They’re very motivated by a sense of freedom, of self-determination. (I used to think that Rebels were energizing by flouting rules, but I now I suspect that that’s a by-product of their desire to determine their own course of action. Though they do seem to enjoy flouting rules.) They really don’t like being told what to do.

Obligers wake up and think, “What must I do today?” They’re very motivated by accountability. They really don’t like being reprimanded or letting others down.

It’s kind of fun, but beyond that it might prove very useful in understanding the keys to your motivation, follow-through, preferences, behavior and work patterns, etc.

I am sooo a Questioner (which probably comes as no shock to my readers…)

Which “Rule Personality” are you?

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The Secret To Flourishing…and It’s Not Better Meds

By on March 28, 2013 in Health & Wellness, Mind Matters

 

Did you know that most drugs and therapy used to treat depression, anxiety and other conditions that plague many of us only have a 65% relief rate? And that in many cases the placebo effect accounts for as much as 45-55%. I was astounded when I read that.

I’ve been reading a fascinating new book, “Flourish,” by Martin Seligman, a pioneer in the field of happiness, optimism, and positive psychology. Over the years, Seligman has completely evolved his understanding of mental and emotional wellness and how we can best learn to deal with stress and anxiety and the conditions that affect our overall quality of life and happiness.

He goes on to explain that Positive Emotion, Engagement, Interest, Meaning, Purpose, Self-Esteem, Resilience, Determinations and Vitality are better tools to have in our well-being arsenal than medicine and therapy.

It’s important to note that this is only true of those who are mildly or moderately depressed, or blue or merely unhappy. People who are clinically, severally depressed and suicidal require medication and benefit greatly from it, most likely due to the significance of their illness.

I’m not a healthcare professional by any stretch of the imagination and how you choose to treat or not treat your conditions is solely up to you. But it’ new way of looking at the situation of our happiness and well-being. Especially for those of us who are chronically working on and/or frustrated by the state of our well-being.

Something to think about…

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Does Setting Goals Affect Our Happiness?

By on March 25, 2013 in Life Juice, Mind Matters, Productivity & Organization, Work-Life Success

08b8364e31Does our culture place too much emphasis on goal setting?

Michael Neill broached this subject in a recent newsletter and that got me thinking. He suggests that while we tend to set goals based on what we THINK will make us “happier” or improve the quality of our lives at some point in the future, we actually may be doing ourselves more harm than good.

We are inherently poor at predicting what our experience of achieving those goals will be beyond the expected initial rush of “accomplishment adrenaline.” What we thought would make us happy often doesn’t and even while we are in the midst of working toward the goal we become unhappier because we measure where we are now against the final goal and often find ourselves lacking.

It doesn’t mean we should set any goals for ourselves. But instead of setting so many goals with our eye focused on the future, we might be better served by staying open to opportunities or possibilities in the present and placing our focus on being creatively engaged on what we can do or are doing right now. The more engaged we are, the better results we tend to get and consequently the greater progress we tend to make.

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In Defense of Instant Gratification

By on January 18, 2013 in Life Juice

The precept of delayed gratification has been preached to us, drummed into our heads, until we no longer question it. It has been awarded lauded status, an unquestionable tenet, almost a commandment. “Thou shalt delay gratification.”

We learn this message early in life. Many of us cling to this rule, to the point of martyrdom.

Work before play, save for the future, the payoff is somewhere down the road, pleasure and enjoyment must be earned through hard work.

You know who you are. My hand is in the air!

If your hand is not in the air, you probably don’t need to read the rest of this post.

What it isn’t

We have a pervasive misconception of what instant gratification is. Indulgence, excess, possessions we can’t afford, too much play and not enough work, self-centered wandering lives, with no purpose or meaning. But that’s not what instant gratification really is.

Instant gratification is not the same thing as laziness. It’s not selfishness. It’s not shortsightedness. It’s not a lack of self-motivation.

What it is

The true definition of instant gratification is enjoying our lives, in the present moment. The problem is that most of us are at one end of the spectrum or the other. We are either self-indulgent, or self-denying. Or… We practice self-denial, then binge in self-indulgence, then feel guilty, and punish ourselves by practicing self-denial.

Instant gratification and delayed gratification are not mutually exclusive. Why can’t they coexist? (Feel free to Tweet that!)

Wouldn’t life be better, more enjoyable, if we could both plan for the future, and reward ourselves right now?

  • Are we afraid that if we have fun now we won’t want to work hard later?
  • Are we worried that if we eat dessert now will never get to the vegetables?

It’s important to question those unwritten rules that we learned along the way. See if they still apply? Were they ever in our best interests? If we ever intend to be mindful, successful, and truly enjoyed our lives, we need to think for ourselves.

How to use it

How can we use both instant gratification and delayed gratification to achieve be happy, lower stress, balanced, yet successful and meaningful lives that we all desire?

  • Can we save for the future and indulge in some “luxuries” now?
  • Can we work hard and still find time for play today?
  • Can we have full lives and still take time for ourselves every occasionally?
  • Can we be disciplined, determined, and driven, yet still do something fun and frivolous with our time?

Your turn

Your challenge, should you choose to accept it…

Question this belief for yourself. Practice instant gratification at least once this week and see how you feel about it.

Your thoughts? Where do you fall on the spectrum?

Are you an instant gratifier or a delayed gratifier? How and why?

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