Tag Archives | family

Self Indulgent Birthday Gift to Myself

Celebrate...

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As a very self-indulgent birthday gift to myself, I’m going to share my favorite poem of all time. Though it may not be relevant to business; it is most certainly relevant to life.

Happy birthday to me! 

I have a beautifully framed version of this poem sitting on my bookshelf, given to me by a dear friend, that I look at every day to remind myself to be thankful for each day I am given. In the spirit of gratitude I’d like to share it with you.

If I Had My Life To Live Over

If I had my life to live over, I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the ‘good’ living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television – and more while watching life.

I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren’t there for the day.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn’t show soil or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, “Later. Now go get washed up for dinner.”

There would have been more “I love you’s”.. More “I’m sorrys” …

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute… look at it and really see it … live it…and never give it back.

© Erma Bombeck

Question everything, move forward, enjoy the journey.

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Dad’s Wisdom – Still Relevant in Life and Business

The flame of wisdom

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Wisdom

Today would have been my father’s birthday. It is on days like these when we reflect on those we have loved and lost. And perhaps wished we had listened to a bit more often. Our relationship was often complicated, but valuable, as I think are most of our relationships with our parents.

As I think back on the many things I learned, I have unearthed some pearls of wisdom to share:

  • Be responsible – Say what you mean and do what you say; if you make a promise, keep it; if you start something finish it.
  • Always do your best – Anything worth doing is worth doing right, work hard and take pride in your accomplishments.
  • You are your best judge – Don’t worry so much about what other people think of you; do what you think is right, live how you want – never mind keeping up with the Joneses.
  • Family first – Your spouse and children are always your top priority; not work (although you must provide for them), not friends or relatives. The rest of the world matters, but is a distant second to family.
  • Don’t waste time – Time is precious and too brief; work efficiently and take time for fun; talk with your loved ones, play with your grandkids, have coffee with friends, enjoy your pets and take pleasure in nature whenever possible.

Do you have an lessons you’d like to share? What did you learn from your parents that has been valuable advice?

Question everything, move forward, enjoy the journey.

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Are You Asking the Important Questions?

We get so caught up in day to day living that sometimes we forget that we need to stop for a minute and take our pulse. To put it in business terms, have you looked at your “business plan for your life?” It does not have to be a lengthy process, just a quick assessment to make sure you are on track, still heading in the right direction and aren’t dragging any debris along with you.

What is cluttering my life (things, people, commitments)?

Who do I have relationships with that are no longer fulfilling?

Where could I be making better use of my money?

What do I find rewarding in my job or career?

How can I give back or contribute?

Why am I doing (or not doing) what I do?

That last is the most important question in my view. Many of us know what we want to do, how we want to behave, the kind of person we’d like to be, but we just can’t seem to do what we know needs to be done on a consistent basis. Ask yourself why. It’s a good question. Isn’t it?

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3 Pieces of Advice You Would Like Your Children to Remember

I recently ran across a note regarding an email conversation that I had with my husband last year while he was away on military deployment. We had started asking each other daily questions to stay connected and one of them was:

What are 3 pieces of advice you would like our children to remember?

I was struck by how profound our answers were even in retrospect. In the hopes of initiating a valuable discussion I will bravely share:

Mine:

  • Do the right thing even when nobody is looking.
  • Life is not about the big moments; it’s how you live every day that counts.
  • Live with respect, kindness, honesty and a sense a humor and surround yourself with others who do the same.

His:

  • Learn to pick your battles wisely.
  • Follow your dreams.
  • Surround yourself with positivity.

I invite you to join in our discussion. If you have children – or are planning to in the future – what would your 3 pieces of sage advice be?

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Ultimate Personal Branding

What do you want your legacy to be?

Forget for a moment about marketing materials, your website, social media, referrals and that sort of thing.

Think about what I like to refer to as your ultimate personal branding; your tombstone, your obituary, your legacy. What do you expect or better yet, wish people would say about you at your funeral? Be honest, what do you want to be said in the conversations behind closed doors? At the coffee shops? In the grocery store? Or the board room?

I was in the middle of writing this post when I happened to get my Tip of the Day from Michael Neill at Supercoach.com. I was shocked to see that he had written almost exactly what I had been thinking. So in keeping with my productivity strategies, why duplicate work? Well said Michael!

Here’s Michael’s post:

Deathbed Goals

Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least. – Johann Wolfgang Goethe

Have you ever heard the question “How many people on their deathbed they wish they’d spent more time at the office?”

For me, this always begged another question:

When people are on their deathbed, where do they wish they’d spent more time?

One of the more famous answers comes in this essay, often attributed to a woman named Nadine Stair but originally published in 1955 by humorist Don Hero

If I had my life to live over, I would try to make more mistakes. I would relax. I would be sillier than I have been this trip. I know of very few things that I would take seriously. I would be less hygienic. I would go more places. I would climb more mountains and swim more rivers. I would eat more ice cream and less bran.

I would have more actual troubles and fewer imaginary troubles. You see, I have been one of those fellows who live prudently and sanely, hour after hour, day after day. Oh, I have had my moments. But if I had it to do over again, I would have more of them – a lot more. I never go anywhere without a thermometer, a gargle, a raincoat and a parachute. If I had it to do over, I would travel lighter.

It may be too late to unteach an old dog old tricks, but perhaps a word from the unwise may be of benefit to a coming generation. It may help them to fall into some of the pitfalls I have avoided.

If I had my life to live over, I would pay less attention to people who teach tension. In a world of specialization we naturally have a superabundance of individuals who cry at us to be serious about their individual specialty. They tell us we must learn Latin or History; otherwise we will be disgraced and ruined and flunked and failed. After a dozen or so of these protagonists have worked on a young mind, they are apt to leave it in hard knots for life. I wish they had sold me Latin and History as a lark.

I would seek out more teachers who inspire relaxation and fun. I had a few of them, fortunately, and I figure it was they who kept me from going entirely to the dogs. From them I learned how to gather what few scraggly daisies I have gathered along life’s cindery pathway.

If I had my life to live over, I would start barefooted a little earlier in the spring and stay that way a little later in the fall. I would play hooky more. I would shoot more paper wads at my teachers. I would have more dogs. I would keep later hours. I’d have more sweethearts. I would fish more. I would go to more circuses. I would go to more dances. I would ride on more merry-go-rounds. I would be carefree as long as I could, or at least until I got some care – instead of having my cares in advance.

More errors are made solemnly than in fun. The rubs of family life come in moments of intense seriousness rather that in moments of light-heartedness. If nations – to magnify my point – declared international carnivals instead of international war, how much better that would be!

I first came across the phrase ‘deathbed goals’ in the book Conscious Living by Gay Hendricks, and I immediately resonated with the idea. What are those goals which, on your deathbed, you will either be glad you achieved or regret not having achieved?

By devoting your life to these goals now, you ensure yourself a meaningful life, regardless of how things turn out…

Today’s Experiment:

(I’ve filled in my own answers to these questions below. If you would like to share your answers with me, please send them to michael@successmadefun.com!)

1. When you are on your deathbed, what are the four or five most important things you will wish you had done or be glad you did?

My answers :

1. Been a good father
2. Been a good husband
3. Been a good friend
4. Been a good person
5. Lived a good life

2. Imagine your funeral (or if you prefer, your 80th birthday). What would you like each of the important people in your life to say about you?

Turns out, I won’t really care if I was successful in the eyes of the world. I’ll settle for being successful in the eyes of Nina, Oliver, Clara, and Maisy! Here’s what I’d love to hear them say:

He always endeavoured to live what he taught and when it mattered, teach what he lived. The truth is, we liked who we were when we were with him. We became experts, geniuses, capable, resourceful, funny, loving, caring, and kind. Eventually, we realized we were that way even without him there. He was always supportive, but it turned out he was only holding us up long enough for us to get used to the altitude and realize we could fly.

3. How would you like your epitaph to read?

A friend to life and all who dwell within her.

Have fun, learn heaps, and live your life by the mercy of what matters most to you.

Reprinted from Michael Neill’s Supercoach.com

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Life Balance Tips from the Trenches

There is no more valuable advice than that that comes from the people who are “in the trenches” doing the job and living the life. You can read a book or listen to an expert, but the best wisdom comes from the real experts, real people who are up to their necks in the day to day reality of life.

I felt compelled to share some little nuggets from our Twitter chat (#PLchat) today on work life harmony and balance.

What does life balance look like for you?  The first step is determining what works for you, your career and your family.

Work life balance can be challenging for all. Not just moms.

Not sure what work life balance looks like – but I know it when I feel it.

In reality work life for me is somewhat integrated, but prefer as much separation as possible into “periods.”

Work life balance is very elusive concept.

Work life balance is very difficult, especially when you have so many responsibilities both at work and home.

For me work life harmony is when I only drop a few balls that I am juggling!

A supportive partner is key to any kind of work life balance!

In addition to home support, support at work is just as important.

Maybe being able to give attention to and enjoy each aspect of my life is a good definition of work life balance.

Biggest work life challenge – difficulty unplugging from work/business to focus on family.

I find my key to finding work life balance is scheduling my time on my calendar – and sticking to it.

Create a schedule. If you have an office, close the door (when working & not).

I work best when I schedule in blocks and just move the blocks around for flexibility.

To help me find work life balance I am working on recognizing each little success.

I think hardest to set work life boundaries with myself – no email during family time, exercise before email.

I let my cell go to voice mail when not at work. I can then listen and choose when to respond.

Discipline is the key – and it is something that I am continually working on.

GUILT – I think that is the key when trying to find work life balance.

I feel guilty when I’m working and guilty when home time.

I think guilt is directly tied to self-imposed expectations.

Need to set realistic goals. What is “enough” work & “enough” time with family, self – having to re-evaluate this.

Self-evaluation is the first step. You have to do what is necessary to self-satisfy.

If you start to feel overwhelmed step away.

I find if I get up earlier it helps me too – time to exercise, solitude & planning before kids wake.

I think I need a hobby. Need something just for me.

Key points:

Define what works for you

Stick to schedule

Set boundaries

Unplug

Take mental breaks

Don’t forget to take time for yourself.

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Housekeeping Routines: How to Improve Your Routine

From time to time I like to feature guest posts by other contributors. If you’re interested in guest posting on this blog please contact me. James has some tips for helping you organize your space.

Housekeeping Routines: How to Improve Your Routine

Keeping your home clean, tidy and organized is a task that most people put off for another day, which is only serves to make cleaning up even more time-consuming when you finally do bite the bullet. It doesn’t need to be that way. With an optimized routine when you know exactly what to do, where to do it and when, you can turn an unwieldy and stressful chore into a lightweight point cheerfully ticked off your to do list.

  1. Tackle one room or area at a time. If your schedule is already hectic, the idea of cleaning the whole house from top to bottom is likely to send you into a panic. However, you do not have to feel this way as long as you break it down into digestible parts. For instance, one day of the week you could handle the kitchen, then the next day scrub down at least one bathroom, and so on. In this way it is easier to get things done, and you will not need to rush just to finish and move on.
  2. Keep the house free of clutterDo not let a pile of magazines overcome your coffee table, and avoid letting the children leave their toys all over the yard. When the time comes to clean you are only adding extra work; after all, you cannot wipe the coffee table if it is covered in personal possessions. Put things away when you are not using them. If something is old and you do not even look at or wear it anymore, toss it or give it away. Should the item prove to be worth something, there is nothing wrong with selling it to bring in a little extra money. This not only helps speed up the cleaning process, but you will feel more at ease with less mess to deal with.
  3. Get the whole family involved in the house cleaning processAssign the children to vacuuming and emptying the dishwasher on certain days of the week. Have the spouse wash the windows and take out the trash when needed. The more people that are involved with the routine, the easier it will be to get it all done.
  4. Keep a calendar of chores that need to be completedChoose a place in the home where it will be displayed; a wall in the kitchen, your room, or next to the front door is all good locations. It does not really matter what you go with, as long as it is in plain sight and hard to overlook. By keeping track of what needs to get done, you are less likely to forget something, leading to a lot more cleaning than you anticipated or wanted.
  5. Do certain chores at certain times of the yearIn the winter season, known for its chilly weather and onslaught of snow, it would be unreasonable to leave rugs outside to dry. Removing leaves and debris from the pool is not critical. Nobody would expect you to clean out the garage during such weather, either. These housekeeping routines are not absolutely necessary, and can wait for warmer weather. By taking these chores off the list, you will be able to tackle what matters the most, rather than focusing on things outside of the months where they are appropriate. Keep in mind that some things can and should be done all year.
  6. Do not ignore the hidden issuesIn other words, though you may have wiped away the food stains in the kitchen, you may not have completely removed the germs from the area. Be sure to add disinfectant wipes and other cleaning solutions to your shopping list; when you make sure that your home is clean when it comes to both visible and invisible issues, it will become a safer place. For a house with children, this is something that will be especially prevalent. It does not take too long to do, however, and can make all the difference in the world.
  7. Clean for only a few minutes a dayOn top of taking care of one room at a time, another way to help prevent the feeling of panic is by spending only a few to fifteen minutes on each project. Should you attempt to clean for longer, you may become tired, and thus not want to do it anymore. Then the next day you are liable to be lazy about it, believing that it is not worth the work involved. Unless it is an emergency, such as an unexpected guest coming for a visit, excess cleaning should be avoided. Take it slow, and do not act is if you are being graded on the results. As long as you do your best, that is all that matters.

This is a guest post from James, a full time writer for Spares Next Day who specialize in hoover bags for vacuum cleaners.

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Looking Back to Look Forward

This is where I've been
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Looking Back

It’s helpful to periodically take a look back at where you’ve been; assimilate the lessons you’ve learned, get your bearings and figure out where you want to go in the future. In doing my annual look back at where I’ve been and what I learned over the last year I found some surprising, but choice wisdom.

Where I’ve Been

I was all over the map last year; I started two new websites and migrated two old ones, restructured and realigned my business, wrote a book on deployment from a spouse perspective, started 2 new books, sent my second child off to college, moved my widowed mother into a new home and helped her get the old one ready for sale, learned more about home repair than I ever wanted to and survived 6 months without my husband, who is still in Afghanistan.

What I’ve Learned

  • You can do so much more than you thought possible – This year I have had many firsts and am ever amazed at the expanding limits of my capacity. I started two new websites and migrated two old ones, restructured and realigned my business, wrote a book on deployment from a spouse perspective, started 2 new books, sent my second child off to college, moved my widowed mother into a new home and helped her get the old one ready for sale and survived 6 months without my husband, who is still in Afghanistan. Without my husband to lean on, I have learned my way around a caulk gun, helped to close the pool and successfully opened the fireplace while managing not to blow up our house.  Who knew?
  • Enough is perfectly acceptable – Who decides what enough is? The committee of “They?” Society? The business world? Our family? Friends? No. We do. I decide when something is good enough. How much time is enough? How much sleep is enough? When work is enough? What results are enough? What amount of money is enough? Maybe even how much happiness or joy is enough? What about love, how much of that is enough to give or receive? I don’t know the answers to all of those yet, but I’m working on it.
  • You cannot do as much as you think you can – In a seemingly direct contradiction of my first lesson comes the second one. Projects will take longer than expected, obstacles will arise and demands on your time and attention will test your limits when you can least afford it. You can’t do and be everything for everyone without losing yourself in the shuffle. I have found that when juggling competing needs, my time, my health and my care are the first to be overlooked. That can only lead to burnout.
  • Ask for help – Be open to support from wherever and whomever it comes and know who to ask for what – identify (at least in your mind) who will give you emotional support, who is your shoulder to cry on, you ear to vent in, who will offer sound advice, who will offer practical wisdom and think about the details, who can give recommendations and who can do repairs.
  • Keep your sense of humor – Life is so much easier when you laugh (even at yourself.) Don’t take life so seriously. Stuff happens, plans get derailed, things break, dogs throw up, your pool turns green, you get stuck in the ditch the first night of your vacation or maybe those things just happen to me…but at least I can still laugh at them.

I am my own worst enemy…no big surprise there. Aren’t we all? At this time of year when we are collectively making resolutions and setting goals for the New Year, these are the things I am thinking about. No resolutions or lofty goals this year, just an intention; an intention to push my boundaries, but to respect my limits, to try new things, but embrace tradition, to help others, but honor and care for myself and most importantly to embrace and acknowledge what is enough for me both personally and professionally.

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Take Time Off

The First Thanksgiving, painted by Jean Leon G...
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Take time off!

Please take some time to enjoy your family and get some rest. The holiday crunch is coming and for most of us that means non-stop activity until January.

Enslaving yourself to your work can actually make you accomplish less. Master the ability to recharge yourself when you need it. Studies have shown that productivity actually improves with time off and rest. We cannot operate at full speed all of the time and expect not to lose some of our efficiency.

For example, I have started a practice of unplugging from my laptop on Sunday, unless there is some truly compelling reason not to. It is far too easy to become addicted to my Twitter, Facebook and HootSuite and before I know it the “10 minutes to check in” has turned into 2 hours. I have found and many studies substantiate this, that I can recharge my health, energy and focus by completely getting away from work in all its forms. So, my Sundays include reading my paper over coffee, walks, hiking or bike rides with my family or the dogs, gardening and best of all spending time in my chair with a good book!

This Thanksgiving week I am going to attempt to only check in with social media and personal email once a day (max 30 min.,) that’s a compromise my family and I can live with. I plan to spend time petting my dogs, listening to my children, getting in some “auntie” time with my niece and nephew.

What can you do to rest and recharge? Think of the possibilities…..

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Change Gives Us Branches

Mother's Love
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Continuity gives us roots; change gives us branches, letting us stretch and grow and reach new heights. ~Pauline R. Kezer

Continuing our month of thankfulness…

Today be thankful for change. Life is all about change, continuous change really. Without it we are a stagnant, stale shell of a human being.

Today my youngest daughter, Alexandra turns 18. This is my third child to attain “adulthood,” yet another transition in our lives. With only one “young child” left to care for I straddle the transition to adult parenting. One foot is trying to step back into something of a guide and mentoring role, while the other foot is still deeply involved in hands on parenting of an 11 year old. This balancing act is challenging at times. It requires reminding myself that at 21, 19 and 18 they are technically adults now and don’t need me to hover and swoop in to take care of them. At the same time I still get those frequent “Mom, can you help me?” calls. I find it’s a learning process to know when to step forward and when to step back and also to know when to put my hands in the air and give the tough love, you need to take care of this yourself message.

There is a certain continuity in parenting. We remain parents until our last breath; the worrying, the nurturing and the love remain. The change is in how we carry out our roles and in the growth of the relationship with our child.

Today be grateful for change. I miss those strawberry curls, that angelic giggle and those sticky kisses; but I embrace and look forward to the blossoming of the intelligent and kind, auburn haired beauty that is blooming before my eyes.

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