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You are Looking in the Wrong Place for Happiness

By Royale on July 22, 2011 in Happiness, Mood, Personal Growth

We are the source of our own happiness.

Our happiness resides within us. No one and nothing else can give it to us. We may try to find all kinds of things outside ourselves to fill us up and make us happy, but they are all temporary, short-lived band-aids.
We think success, reputation, respect, money and status will do it for us. But they won’t. They’re nice, but they’re not the answer. We still have the feeling that something is missing. This does not mean that a happy person cannot have all the trappings of success. You can.
Happiness, however, is not a result of these achievements and outward possessions and symbols of success. Happiness only dwells within and when we seek it somewhere outside of ourselves, it only becomes more elusive.

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Explore, Expand, Evolve – What Does it Mean? Why You Should Care

By Royale on July 6, 2011 in Life Balance, Personal Growth, Work

To my way of thinking there are three aspects or necessary components to growing in life, work, fulfillment, success, balance, relationships, anything really.

Explore, Expand, Evolve

This is the whole philosophy of my business, my writing and my coaching. It’s also how I try to live my life.

You really need all three to be your most effective, to live your best life, to have your most successful career. They work together, building on one another and circling back and forth to form an intricate web which is the foundation for all growth, in business and in life.

But what do these words mean? How do they apply to you? To your business? To your home-life?

Here’s the boiled-down Cliff Notes version of my understanding and my practice.

Explore = Assess

Observe the situation, the problem, the reality, the goal
Learn more about options, choices, motivations, thought and behavior patterns
Generate ideas, contemplate possible solutions
Who am I? As a person, as a professional?
What am I doing? Or not doing?
What do I want to accomplish?
What is missing? Or what is not working?

Expand = Move forward

Be more productive
Formulate a plan
Take action
What do I need to do to get from A to B, or A to F?
Where can I get help?
How can I best use my time?

Evolve = Change

What do I need to change?
What isn’t working?
Where am I stuck?
Do I need to shift my focus?
Revise plans and strategies
Modify behaviors
Break patterns
New habits

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Are You Purposely Avoiding Clarity?

By Royale on June 29, 2011 in Personal Growth, Work

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. ~Carl Jung

Why would want to avoid getting clear about what we want and where are going?

Because we instinctively know that when we get clear we will have to take action on that new understanding and possibly make changes in our lives. We have become so accustomed to doing what is expected of us, what is routine, that we don’t stop to consider what we want or need.

We so easily follow along with the mandates of others, especially those in positions of authority. We don’t want to take the time to think for ourselves. That takes too much effort. It’s easier to go along with the flow than to recognize that something needs to change, something could be different.

In spite of our reluctance something inside each of us continues to drive us toward growth and progress. Something in us reaches for clarity, yet wrestles with what comes next.

Will we be moved to take action? To make a decision?

And what about those decisions that we have already made? If we remain confused and unclear then we won’t have to adhere to any standards. We won’t have to do anything, think anything or change anything.

That’s certainly a safe place to be …but is it the life we want for ourselves?

Get clear! What do you want? What do you need? What are you trying to do?

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What if Your Ordinary Was Actually Extraordinary?

By Royale on June 27, 2011 in Lessons, Mood, Personal Growth, Questions, Work

We are our most potent at our most ordinary. And yet most of us discount our “ordinary” because it is, well, ordinary. Or so we believe. But my ordinary is not yours. – Patti Digh

As I have mentioned before on this blog, I have been following along with the Trust30 writing challenge, although I think that they should have called it a “thinking challenge.” There are many who do not publically share their written answers, but are instead quietly pondering the prompts in the privacy of their own minds.

Patti’s piece really struck a chord with me. (Read the entire commentary here.) Too often we get caught up in comparisons and expectations. We are so quick to judge and condemn our work and ourselves.

And what are we using as the yardstick?

Other people’s accomplishments or perceived skills.

External expectations thrust upon us by a misguided or misinformed public.

Internal stories, arbitrary standards that don’t really fit who we are.

What if our “ordinary” is actually exceptional? What if what we view as our normal, everyday behavior, thoughts and skills are truly extraordinary to the world at large?

We will never know if we don’t put ourselves out there. If we don’t pursue that idea we have, if we don’t share our wisdom, if we don’t offer our talents to others we will never truly know what we are capable of.

I challenge you all…

Be your ordinary, not my ordinary or anyone else’s and see what happens!

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What are You Tolerating?

By Royale on June 24, 2011 in Energy, Life Balance, Work

Everything you tolerate saps your energy and prevents you from moving forward effectively.

Most people tolerate more than 50 small, petty things in their life on a regular basis. It’s just ridiculous what we are willing to put up with and what we allow to hang over our heads.

Take 10 minutes to sit down and make a list of all of the annoying, nagging nuisances in your life, both at home and at work.

Then choose how you will eliminate them. Either set aside one block of time (a mid-week afternoon or perhaps time on the weekend) to “attack” these annoyances that are hanging over your head and get rid of as many of them as possible; or choose to tackle one each day and slowly make your way down the list. Choose whichever strategy will work best for you.

You’ll find that the more annoyances you get rid of the more peaceful and energetic you’ll become.

So go ahead—make that phone call you’ve been putting off, clean out your desk, drop off your dry cleaning, call the plumber to fix that slow drain, purge some of your old clothes, buy a frame for that picture you have been meaning to hang for six months, fix the wobbling chair leg, fire that ineffective employee or let that time-eating client go; the list is seemingly endless –then go out and celebrate with all the extra energy you’ll have!

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Important Question: Ask What You Know First

By Royale on June 20, 2011 in Personal Growth, Questions, Work

Image via Wikipedia

I have been following and participating in the #Trust30 online initiative and 30-day writing challenge over the past few weeks on Twitter. Today’s writing prompt from Jen Louden inspired me to share this question with you.

What do I know about this?

When we are confronted with a problem that needs to be solved, a decision that needs to be made or a conflict that needs to be resolved we need to first ask ourselves:

What do I know about this?

Do I know what is fact and what is simply a story manufactured in my own mind or the minds of others?

Do I know what the true problem is? The real decision? Or the actual heart of the conflict?

Do I know what I feel? Not what I should feel, but what I actually feel in my gut.

Do I know what my authentic opinion is? Not what others tell me I ought to think, do or believe, but what I genuinely think about the situation.

Do I know what I can do? What possible action I can take that is not dependent upon others?

Only when we have answered all of these questions will we be able to make the best possible choices. As we go forward in our lives and in our work we can use this thought process to clarify and get to the heart of the underlying question and to aid us in making considered, authentic choices and taking effective action.

Sift out the fact from the fiction.

Drill down and identify the real issue.

Get in touch and listen to your gut.

Think for yourself and know your own mind.

Know what you can do that is not dependent on others actions.

Give it a try and let me know if it helps.

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You Never Know What You Might See if Your Eyes are Open

By Royale on May 27, 2011 in Life Balance, Personal Growth

Image by RoyaleScuderi via Flickr

The most important lessons often come when you least expect them.

This past weekend I awoke very early on a Sunday morning for absolutely no reason at all…maybe. One can argue that there is a reason for everything if you look hard enough. The spring is still chilly in central NY where I live, but since for once it wasn’t raining so I decided to brave the front porch with my coffee. And I am so glad I did!

Shortly after I settled in to talk with my husband (who is an annoyingly chipper early riser by nature,) I spotted a brightly colored hot air balloon in the distance. It seemed to be floating over my little city, not in a hurry, just gently making its way north. I looked for a moment, and then turned back to my conversation.

When I looked up a few moments later it was almost directly over my house. At which point I sprinted for my camera, breathlessly returning in the nick of time to capture the magnificent sight. The occupants of the balloon waved as I frantically snapped photos, most likely marveling at the crazy woman with the camera. And then quickly it was over and the balloon glided away.

What is my point you ask. Well, I honestly do have one. Really.

If I hadn’t taken the opportunity to go outside and savor the early morning, I would have missed this moment. If we hadn’t looked up at that precise time, we would have missed this moment. If the winds hadn’t shifted to change the course of the balloon it would have remained nothing more than a dot on the horizon …and I would have missed this moment.

The lesson?

Keep your eyes open and be aware of what is going on around you. We often have our heads down and get so caught up in what we are doing that we miss opportunities that slip right by without our notice.

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Have You Discovered Your Passion?

By Royale on May 18, 2011 in Goals, Personal Growth, Purpose

Some people ask. “What if I haven’t found my true passion?”

It’s dangerous to think in terms of “passion” and “purpose” because they sound like such huge overwhelming ideas. If you think love needs to look like “Romeo and Juliet”, you’ll overlook a great relationship that grows slowly. If you think you haven’t found your passion yet, you’re probably expecting it to be overwhelming.

If you find yourself glued to Photoshop, playing around for hours, dive in deeper. Maybe that’s your new calling. If you keep thinking about putting on a conference or being a Hollywood screenwriter and you find the idea terrifies but intrigues you, it’s probably a worthy endeavor for you. You grow (and thrive!) by doing what excites you and what scares you every day, not by trying to find your passion.

Instead, just notice what excites you and what scares you on a small moment-to-moment level.

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Are You Living Consciously?

By Royale on May 13, 2011 in Inspiration, Mood, Personal Growth, Relationships

What we are today comes from our thoughts of yesterday, and our present thoughts build our life of tomorrow: Our life is the creation of our mind.– Buddha

Do we live our days to the fullest? Or are we to caught up in the ‘daily grind’ of just getting by and forget to appreciate the blessings that we have been given. Do we pay attention to our words and actions; and the effects they have on the people around us and the world in general?

When you start to live consciously, you expand on all levels: your mind, body, and emotions. You will become aware of things that were previously unseen, unknown, unrecognized or unappreciated. Your actions will become mindful as you learn to understand how your behavior affects the physical, the immaterial and the emotional state of yourself and those you interact with. By Living Consciously you will soon be able to see the truth more clearly, and learn how to take complete responsibility for the choices you make — enabling you to reach your full potential and live a life of wonder and marvelous adventure.

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Have You Forgotten to Dream?

By Royale on September 27, 2010 in Personal Growth

Photo by DreamActivist/Flickr (Creative Commons)

“Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.” – William Butler Yeats

Have you forgotten to dream? When was the last time you thought about those old wishes, wants and desires? What happened to all of those ideals and big plans for what you were going to do “when you grew up?” Well, you’re presumably grown up now. Take some time this week to unearth those dreams, dust them off and put them in front of you.

Do they still call to you?

Maybe you have new dreams or the old ones need updating?

What do you need to do to make them happen?

Take the first step, just one. You can do that. I know you can. The only person stopping you is yourself!

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