Tag Archives | expectations

5 Tips to Help You Achieve Your Dreams Now

By on January 20, 2012 in Goals, Inspiration, Personal Growth
dreams and wishes. 62/365

Image by nicole.pierce.photography ♥ via Flickr

“You know those goals you’ve set for yourself, those dreams you’ve been waiting for the perfect time to live out? It’s time.” – Maria Shriver

What have you been waiting for? It’s the rare person who does not have dreams, goals, wishes; those someday, when the time is right, maybe when I have more…whatever.

NEWS FLASH…

There is no perfect time, no right circumstance, and no magic window of opportunity. There is only now. Now is the time to stretch out of your zone of security and comfort and reach higher. As my very wise father used to say, “Get your rear in gear!” (Except he used a slightly different word that I will not print on this blog for sensitive eyes to read.)

I have some tips to impart before you embark on your quest for all of those magnificent dreams:

Get very specific about what you want

Ambiguity is the kiss of death for dreams. Be crystal clear, be specific, and if possible be vivid. Be able to explain your objective to a complete stranger – You don’t have to actually do it. Just be able to if you needed to.

Be sure that it’s still right for you

Dreams and ambitions change with time. What we wanted in our 20’s may be radically different from what we want in our 40’s. Question if the vision you had for yourself is still the future you really want.

Have your fantasy

In other words, it’s more than thinking outside the box. That phrase is so over-used that I don’t think we even pay attention to it anymore. What I want you to do is, not only think outside the box, think over the box, think under the box, forget the box even exists and think on a blank canvas. However, don’t forget that there are still opportunities inside the box. I just want you to open your mind to all possibilities (Ahem…without any illegal substances please!)

Gather the troops

Enlist help wherever and whenever you can. Telling people what you want gives you a measure of accountability. Moreover, you never know where your most valuable resource may be found. Mentors and potential partners are everywhere. For example, when I was first trying to get my career as a freelance writer off the ground, I made an off-handed comment during a massage (one of my favorite gifts) about wanting to write full-time to the massage therapist whom I had never met before. I was floored when she told me she had a friend who was looking to get some help with his blog. Hello! That’s opportunity knocking. Who knew!

Full steam ahead

Be bold. Be courageous. Be determined. Don’t be afraid to do something that makes you (or someone else) uncomfortable. Stop making excuses…If you don’t have the time, drop something else. If you don’t have the knowledge or skill, get it.

Every day that goes by is another opportunity lost. Are you going to keep wishing and hoping and complaining or are you going to go after what you want?

Now, be brave and tell me what you want. I’m listening. Put it out there. You never know what kind of support you’ll get. Post a comment or share it on our Facebook page.

 

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Why You Need a Clean Sweep if You Want to Improve Your Success

By on December 30, 2011 in Energy, Goals, Life Balance, Personal Growth

Photo by Jesse Gardner

Every once in a while I get the urge to just dump everything…well almost everything… that I’m doing and clear the decks. Just sweep them clean. Create a blank slate on which to write our aspirations, goals and dreams. We get so tied up and bogged down in everything we have on our plates; projects, commitments, habits, that we have no room to breathe. No space to experiment. Not even the tiniest crack in our schedule to stop and think.

Do I truly care about the projects I’m involved in?

Why am I doing this again?

Do I really need to do that thing?

Here’s the harsh reality. If you haven’t made any progress on those goals you set earlier in the year, you need to question if they really matter.

Now take a deep breath and let them go. Make room for new goals, fresh ideas, creative projects.

What would you do if only you had the time?

It’s almost a new year, time for a fresh start.

Time for some house cleaning, both literally and figuratively.

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What if Your Ordinary Was Actually Extraordinary?

By on June 27, 2011 in Lessons, Mood, Personal Growth, Questions, Work

We are our most potent at our most ordinary. And yet most of us discount our “ordinary” because it is, well, ordinary. Or so we believe. But my ordinary is not yours. – Patti Digh

As I have mentioned before on this blog, I have been following along with the Trust30 writing challenge, although I think that they should have called it a “thinking challenge.” There are many who do not publically share their written answers, but are instead quietly pondering the prompts in the privacy of their own minds.

Patti’s piece really struck a chord with me. (Read the entire commentary here.) Too often we get caught up in comparisons and expectations. We are so quick to judge and condemn our work and ourselves.

And what are we using as the yardstick?

Other people’s accomplishments or perceived skills.

External expectations thrust upon us by a misguided or misinformed public.

Internal stories, arbitrary standards that don’t really fit who we are.

What if our “ordinary” is actually exceptional? What if what we view as our normal, everyday behavior, thoughts and skills are truly extraordinary to the world at large?

We will never know if we don’t put ourselves out there. If we don’t pursue that idea we have, if we don’t share our wisdom, if we don’t offer our talents to others we will never truly know what we are capable of.

I challenge you all…

Be your ordinary, not my ordinary or anyone else’s and see what happens!

 

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Have You Lost Your Perspective?

By on April 29, 2011 in Lessons, Mood, Personal Growth, Relationships, Work

Image via Wikipedia

Little things can mean a lot, especially when we focus of all our attention on them, obsess and ruminate about them, and can’t seem to let them go.  Sometimes we just keep turning disturbing thoughts over and over in our minds, believing that we will surely figure out a solution if we just think about them long enough and hard enough.

When we engage in this kind of behavior, it is a sure sign that we’re thinking ourselves to death.  When I do this obsessing, I know that I have lost perspective.  I suddenly become the center of the universe, and my problems are the only ones that exist.

It always helps me to step back and realize that whatever problem I am having is probably not of universal proportions.  This perspective helps me to see that I am powerless over my crazy thinking, and that it is making my life insane.

Ask yourself:

Will this matter in 10 years? 10 months? 10 days even?

Then give it the perspective it deserves!

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Do You Consider Yourself an Optimist?

By on April 22, 2011 in Inspiration, Lessons, Mood, Personal Growth

Something to think about…

The Creed for Optimists

  • Be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.
  • Talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet.
  • Make all your friends feel there is something in them.
  • Look at the sunny side of everything.
  • Think only of the best, work only for the best, and expect only the best.
  • Be as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.
  • Learn from the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
  • Give everyone a smile.
  • Spend so much time improving yourself that you have no time left to criticize others.
  • Be too big for worry and too noble for anger.

Prefer an online version?

Optimist International recently introduced desktop designs featuring tenets of the Optimist Creed. The complimentary designs are available for download from the Optimist.org.

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The Grass is Green Enough

By on February 25, 2011 in Mood, Personal Growth, Questions, Work
Grass
Image by wili_hybrid via Flickr

If we can accept that the grass is green enough and that it is possible for us to be happy right now, then our lives will be so much easier and more fulfilling. The grass will always be greener someplace else and if you are continually striving for more and better, then you will never be happy where you are. Focusing on what’s wrong with your life, your home, your job, your car, whatever does not motivate you to improve your situation; it only robs you of your joy. Instead, focus on what is right and good in your life and you will find your attitude and enjoyment of your everyday experiences expands. In addition as one of life’s little bonuses; a change in attitude and an aura of happiness somehow draws good things and good people to you making your life even better without all of the angst.

Today look around you and really appreciate “how green your grass is.”

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Life Balance Tips from the Trenches

By on January 18, 2011 in Personal Growth, Stress, Time

There is no more valuable advice than that that comes from the people who are “in the trenches” doing the job and living the life. You can read a book or listen to an expert, but the best wisdom comes from the real experts, real people who are up to their necks in the day to day reality of life.

I felt compelled to share some little nuggets from our Twitter chat (#PLchat) today on work life harmony and balance.

What does life balance look like for you?  The first step is determining what works for you, your career and your family.

Work life balance can be challenging for all. Not just moms.

Not sure what work life balance looks like – but I know it when I feel it.

In reality work life for me is somewhat integrated, but prefer as much separation as possible into “periods.”

Work life balance is very elusive concept.

Work life balance is very difficult, especially when you have so many responsibilities both at work and home.

For me work life harmony is when I only drop a few balls that I am juggling!

A supportive partner is key to any kind of work life balance!

In addition to home support, support at work is just as important.

Maybe being able to give attention to and enjoy each aspect of my life is a good definition of work life balance.

Biggest work life challenge – difficulty unplugging from work/business to focus on family.

I find my key to finding work life balance is scheduling my time on my calendar – and sticking to it.

Create a schedule. If you have an office, close the door (when working & not).

I work best when I schedule in blocks and just move the blocks around for flexibility.

To help me find work life balance I am working on recognizing each little success.

I think hardest to set work life boundaries with myself – no email during family time, exercise before email.

I let my cell go to voice mail when not at work. I can then listen and choose when to respond.

Discipline is the key – and it is something that I am continually working on.

GUILT – I think that is the key when trying to find work life balance.

I feel guilty when I’m working and guilty when home time.

I think guilt is directly tied to self-imposed expectations.

Need to set realistic goals. What is “enough” work & “enough” time with family, self – having to re-evaluate this.

Self-evaluation is the first step. You have to do what is necessary to self-satisfy.

If you start to feel overwhelmed step away.

I find if I get up earlier it helps me too – time to exercise, solitude & planning before kids wake.

I think I need a hobby. Need something just for me.

Key points:

Define what works for you

Stick to schedule

Set boundaries

Unplug

Take mental breaks

Don’t forget to take time for yourself.

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What’s Your Motto? Keep it Simple

By on January 14, 2011 in Goals, Personal Growth, Work

Do you have a personal motto? How about a slogan? Not a public one for marketing purposes, but a personal or professional guide that reminds you of what you believe, what you are working toward or what is behind your goals. I’m not talking about a complicated mission statement. My apologies to all the Covey followers that have spent hours honing and perfecting their personal, professional and family mission statements. I think the process of asking yourself what’s important, what your value’s are and what your purpose is a valuable one. But does it have to be so complicated?

Why do we habitually make everything in our lives so complex? Do we need a paragraph long recitation on our purpose? Do we need a spreadsheet of goals with accompanying habits to make lasting change? Are we making our lives unnecessarily difficult? What if we spent that time working or playing instead of making charts and diagrams? Blasphemous right?

Call me a rebel, a non-conformist, but I think we’re making life harder than it has to be. I include myself in this insanity; this has been my modus operandi my entire adult life. I get it, but I’m done. It doesn’t work. It just causes stress and overwhelm.  It doesn’t need to be that way.

I declare 2011 a year of reform. I am reforming my perfectionist, over-planning, over-thinking ways and adopting a simpler mindset.

I did not set any resolutions or goals this year, just very simple intentions. I thought about what I wanted out of life, where I wanted to go professionally and how I could be more in line with my purpose and what really matters.

My husband gets a lot of credit for this mental shift. When I asked him what his goals for this year were, he said very simply, “To be better at the end of the year than I am now.” Huh? That’s it? Really? What does that mean? For him it means to be a little bit healthier, run a little bit farther, save a little more money, spend a little more time with our kids and be a little bit more loving towards me. I can get behind that and what’s more I can see the wisdom in that. This guiding motto “To be a little better” is powerful in its simplicity. It defies every S.M.A.R.T. rule of goal setting, but what’s more important, to follow the rules or get to where you want to be?

But how do I apply this in practical terms?

Figure out what your personal or professional slogan is – It can change each year or remain the same, that’s up to you. It can be a word or a phrase, but make it simple enough to implement and broad enough to apply across the board.

Your slogan will be your compass, your focus and your decision-making guide all rolled into one.

I decided on a personal focus this year of “Live Consciously, Practice Acceptance, and Embrace Joy.”

Now I ask myself each day, Am I paying attention to my life? Am I judging and being critical or am I accepting? Am I feeling joy, having fun and enjoying life?

If you’ve read my about page, then you know my company tagline is Productivity, Progress, Purpose. So I thought about how do I accomplish that tagline? How do I make that tangible and use it to get results?

“Keep it Simple, Make Time Count”

That’s it. Just that simple. For this year at least, my professional goal and focus will be to make things as simple as possible and make my time count. You will see that philosophy reflected in my blog posts, articles, tips, strategies and product offerings.

Doesn’t that sound better than complicated goal worksheets?

Visit our community discussion forum and share what your motto, slogan or intention is. I love to hear what others are focusing on.

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Looking Back to Look Forward

By on January 3, 2011 in Lessons, Life Balance, Personal Growth
This is where I've been
Image by nige_mar via Flickr

Looking Back

It’s helpful to periodically take a look back at where you’ve been; assimilate the lessons you’ve learned, get your bearings and figure out where you want to go in the future. In doing my annual look back at where I’ve been and what I learned over the last year I found some surprising, but choice wisdom.

Where I’ve Been

I was all over the map last year; I started two new websites and migrated two old ones, restructured and realigned my business, wrote a book on deployment from a spouse perspective, started 2 new books, sent my second child off to college, moved my widowed mother into a new home and helped her get the old one ready for sale, learned more about home repair than I ever wanted to and survived 6 months without my husband, who is still in Afghanistan.

What I’ve Learned

  • You can do so much more than you thought possible – This year I have had many firsts and am ever amazed at the expanding limits of my capacity. I started two new websites and migrated two old ones, restructured and realigned my business, wrote a book on deployment from a spouse perspective, started 2 new books, sent my second child off to college, moved my widowed mother into a new home and helped her get the old one ready for sale and survived 6 months without my husband, who is still in Afghanistan. Without my husband to lean on, I have learned my way around a caulk gun, helped to close the pool and successfully opened the fireplace while managing not to blow up our house.  Who knew?
  • Enough is perfectly acceptable – Who decides what enough is? The committee of “They?” Society? The business world? Our family? Friends? No. We do. I decide when something is good enough. How much time is enough? How much sleep is enough? When work is enough? What results are enough? What amount of money is enough? Maybe even how much happiness or joy is enough? What about love, how much of that is enough to give or receive? I don’t know the answers to all of those yet, but I’m working on it.
  • You cannot do as much as you think you can – In a seemingly direct contradiction of my first lesson comes the second one. Projects will take longer than expected, obstacles will arise and demands on your time and attention will test your limits when you can least afford it. You can’t do and be everything for everyone without losing yourself in the shuffle. I have found that when juggling competing needs, my time, my health and my care are the first to be overlooked. That can only lead to burnout.
  • Ask for help – Be open to support from wherever and whomever it comes and know who to ask for what – identify (at least in your mind) who will give you emotional support, who is your shoulder to cry on, you ear to vent in, who will offer sound advice, who will offer practical wisdom and think about the details, who can give recommendations and who can do repairs.
  • Keep your sense of humor – Life is so much easier when you laugh (even at yourself.) Don’t take life so seriously. Stuff happens, plans get derailed, things break, dogs throw up, your pool turns green, you get stuck in the ditch the first night of your vacation or maybe those things just happen to me…but at least I can still laugh at them.

I am my own worst enemy…no big surprise there. Aren’t we all? At this time of year when we are collectively making resolutions and setting goals for the New Year, these are the things I am thinking about. No resolutions or lofty goals this year, just an intention; an intention to push my boundaries, but to respect my limits, to try new things, but embrace tradition, to help others, but honor and care for myself and most importantly to embrace and acknowledge what is enough for me both personally and professionally.

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Journey of the Peaceful Warrior

By on December 2, 2010 in Lessons, Life Balance, Personal Growth

calm

Peaceful Warrior

Lessons Learned: Month 5

The sanity and comfort that we seek in our tumultuous times is found in the small gestures and the simple acts that are easily within our reach.

We joke sometimes, the other military wives and I about the dichotomy of our toughness and vulnerability that uniquely make up the existence of “home-front warriors.” I ponder this odd journey I find myself on and wonder what it means. The answer has not entirely revealed itself to me yet, but this I do know; that the tangled web of moments, decisions and experiences that unfold are culminating in the transformation of the woman, the peaceful warrior that I have blossomed into.

As month 5 draws to a close it’s time to reflect on what I have lost and gained.

What have I lost?

5 pounds – This can be fortuitous or worrisome depending on your point of view.

Any sense of control – I have come to accept that the military controls my husband, for the time being at least. God, fate or the universe (substitute whatever you choose to believe) control our world, our lives and our future. No one can control the thoughts and actions of others. Even my children are mostly beyond my control. Sigh. Influence yes, control no. The only thing I truly control is my perception and reactions.

Any smugness or impression of supremacy based on talents or accomplishments – I have learned how precarious my semblance of order, organization and competence are. Knowledge and discipline can only go so far regardless of how efficient your system is. Life intervenes and even the most skilled individual can be blown off course by crisis, turbulence, utter exhaustion and sheer overwhelm.

Fear of appearing weak – The last vestiges of worrying about how I am perceived by others has dissipated. I cannot exist totally independent from others and why would I want to? I ask for help freely, I admit my fears and worries openly and I accept support gratefully.

What have I gained?

A sense of trust – I trust my husband not to put himself in unnecessary danger, to tell me if there is a need for me to be concerned and to give his family the position of top priority whenever possible. I trust my husband’s fellow soldiers to do their best to keep him safe. I also trust in my ability to handle whatever life throws my way.

Unqualified acceptance – That does not mean that I give up my prerogative to complain or try to alter the course of events, but that I accept what is reality in whatever form that takes right now. I accept my lack of control. I accept that there will be hardship and moments of devastation. I accept that it is not all about me and sometimes there is just nothing that can be done.

A core of strength and peace – I have slowly come to experience a sense of peace, a certain kind of knowing that all will be well in the end. It’s a revelation of just how far the limits of my strength and capacity can stretch and an inner calm that flows along with that knowledge.

I am not a pacifist, not in your wildest dreams, but no longer will I obsess over worry and control that elude me. I have grown to embrace the title and meaning of “peaceful warrior.” The personification of that in practical terms means that I save my worry for true and real concerns right now, instead of future possibilities. It means that I save my strength for matters over which I can have some influence and affect some change. It means that I conserve and expend my energy in synergy with the flow of life and with respect for the needs of my body and mind. It means that I am calm and focused, compassionate and forgiving and equally fierce and powerful when necessary.

It feels akin to taking the first step on a new path of unknown destination with no idea what landscape I will see along the way. What I do know is that I intend to keep my eyes, mind and heart open to everything life has yet to offer me.

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