Looking Back to Look Forward

By Royale on January 3, 2011 in Lessons, Life Balance, Personal Growth

: Image by nige_mar via Flickr

Looking Back

It’s helpful to periodically take a look back at where you’ve been; assimilate the lessons you’ve learned, get your bearings and figure out where you want to go in the future. In doing my annual look back at where I’ve been and what I learned over the last year I found some surprising, but choice wisdom.

Where I’ve Been

I was all over the map last year; I started two new websites and migrated two old ones, restructured and realigned my business, wrote a book on deployment from a spouse perspective, started 2 new books, sent my second child off to college, moved my widowed mother into a new home and helped her get the old one ready for sale, learned more about home repair than I ever wanted to and survived 6 months without my husband, who is still in Afghanistan.

What I’ve Learned

You can do so much more than you thought possible – This year I have had many firsts and am ever amazed at the expanding limits of my capacity. I started two new websites and migrated two old ones, restructured and realigned my business, wrote a book on deployment from a spouse perspective, started 2 new books, sent my second child off to college, moved my widowed mother into a new home and helped her get the old one ready for sale and survived 6 months without my husband, who is still in Afghanistan. Without my husband to lean on, I have learned my way around a caulk gun, helped to close the pool and successfully opened the fireplace while managing not to blow up our house. Who knew?
Enough is perfectly acceptable – Who decides what enough is? The committee of “They?” Society? The business world? Our family? Friends? No. We do. I decide when something is good enough. How much time is enough? How much sleep is enough? When work is enough? What results are enough? What amount of money is enough? Maybe even how much happiness or joy is enough? What about love, how much of that is enough to give or receive? I don’t know the answers to all of those yet, but I’m working on it.

You cannot do as much as you think you can – In a seemingly direct contradiction of my first lesson comes the second one. Projects will take longer than expected, obstacles will arise and demands on your time and attention will test your limits when you can least afford it. You can’t do and be everything for everyone without losing yourself in the shuffle. I have found that when juggling competing needs, my time, my health and my care are the first to be overlooked. That can only lead to burnout.

Ask for help – Be open to support from wherever and whomever it comes and know who to ask for what – identify (at least in your mind) who will give you emotional support, who is your shoulder to cry on, you ear to vent in, who will offer sound advice, who will offer practical wisdom and think about the details, who can give recommendations and who can do repairs.
Keep your sense of humor – Life is so much easier when you laugh (even at yourself.) Don’t take life so seriously. Stuff happens, plans get derailed, things break, dogs throw up, your pool turns green, you get stuck in the ditch the first night of your vacation or maybe those things just happen to me…but at least I can still laugh at them.

I am my own worst enemy…no big surprise there. Aren’t we all? At this time of year when we are collectively making resolutions and setting goals for the New Year, these are the things I am thinking about. No resolutions or lofty goals this year, just an intention; an intention to push my boundaries, but to respect my limits, to try new things, but embrace tradition, to help others, but honor and care for myself and most importantly to embrace and acknowledge what is enough for me both personally and professionally.