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In Defense of Instant Gratification

By Royale on May 11, 2012 in Fun!, Habits, Happiness, Questions, Stress

The precept of delayed gratification has been preached to us, drummed into our heads, until we no longer question it. It has been awarded lauded status, an unquestionable tenet, almost a commandment. “Thou shalt delay gratification.”

We learn this message early in life. Many of us cling to this rule, to the point of martyrdom.

Work before play, save for the future, the payoff is somewhere down the road, pleasure and enjoyment must be earned through hard work.

You know who you are. My hand is in the air!

If your hand is not in the air, you probably don’t need to read the rest of this post.

What it isn’t

We have a pervasive misconception of what instant gratification is. Indulgence, excess, possessions we can’t afford, too much play and not enough work, self-centered wandering lives, with no purpose or meaning. But that’s not what instant gratification really is.

Instant gratification is not the same thing as laziness. It’s not selfishness. It’s not shortsightedness. It’s not a lack of self-motivation.

What it is

The true definition of instant gratification is enjoying our lives, in the present moment. The problem is that most of us are at one end of the spectrum or the other. We are either self-indulgent, or self-denying. Or… We practice self-denial, then binge in self-indulgence, then feel guilty, and punish ourselves by practicing self-denial.

Instant gratification and delayed gratification are not mutually exclusive. Why can’t they coexist?

Wouldn’t life be better, more enjoyable, if we could both plan for the future, and reward ourselves right now?

Are we afraid that if we have fun now we won’t want to work hard later?
Are we worried that if we eat dessert now will never get to the vegetables?

It’s important to question those unwritten rules that we learned along the way. See if they still apply? Were they ever in our best interests? If we ever intend to be mindful, successful, and truly enjoyed our lives, we need to think for ourselves.

How to use it

How can we use both instant gratification and delayed gratification to achieve be happy, lower stress, balanced, yet successful and meaningful lives that we all desire?

Can we save for the future and indulge in some “luxuries” now?
Can we work hard and still find time for play today?
Can we have full lives and still take time for ourselves every occasionally?
Can we be disciplined, determined, and driven, yet still do something fun and frivolous with our time?

Your turn

Your challenge, should you choose to accept it…

Question this belief for yourself. Practice instant gratification at least once this week and see how you feel about it.

Your thoughts? Where do you fall on the spectrum?

Are you an instant gratifier or a delayed gratifier? How and why?

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The Most Important Skill in Life is…

By Royale on April 2, 2012 in Personal Growth, Questions

What do you think is the most important skill to succeed in life?

There may be many different answers. And there should be.

My answer: Reading.

I am an avid, no, voracious, no, obsessive reader. I always have been. As a child, I always had a book on my nightstand, often volumes far beyond my years. Now, it’s not unusual to have five or six on my nightstand, and probably another 8-10 on various coffee/end tables spread throughout the house.

That’s in addition to the collection on my bookshelves. It’s as if I’m fearful that I might be caught with a few moments to spare and no book to read. Moreover, it’s my normal practice to read two or three of them concurrently.

It’s the truth. I confess I’m an addict. Addicted to reading that is…

In this case, my ability to read well and quickly has served me well. It has allowed me to become knowledgeable and well versed in a broad range of topics. It keeps me interested and curious about the world around me.

Reading has also expanded my vocabulary and improved my communication skills. Being able to read, understand, and internalize information and ideas has helped me to succeed in the world. Perhaps, most importantly, it’s a skill that I can continue to use and improve upon for the rest of my life.

Moreover, I’ll enjoy using it…

Your turn…Thoughts?

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Change or Die

By Royale on March 23, 2012 in Creativity, Habits, Happiness, Personal Growth, Questions

Change is constant; you can either embrace it and move forward or resist it and get run over.

Do you fear change? A little uncertain?

The usual conversation in our head goes something like this:

“Well maybe it would be good, but what if it doesn’t work out. Things aren’t going that well, but at least I know what to expect. I’ve been doing, thinking, and acting this way for so long, I don’t know how to be different. People won’t like me if I change. It’s not worth the hassle. I’m not sure I can change anyway.”

We need to recognize that’s only our fear talking. We have been conditioned from birth to conform. We are creatures of habit. We live what we learn. We are mistrustful of new ideas. New ways of doing things seem uncomfortable.

Question that thinking.

It’s a knee jerk response. Look at the broader reality of history. The only way we grow both as individuals and as a society is through change. All of our pioneering inventions that improved our lives, our innovative solutions that solved major world problems, involved massive change. Changes in our technology, changes in our practices, and most of all changes in our mindset.

We would have no iPad, no apps; we might not even have the internet. Horror!

We’d still be sending messages via telegraph instead mobile phones that allow us to call and text from almost anywhere instantaneously.

We’d still have to get up to turn the channel on the television, instead of using a remote that can operate all of our electronics in one handy little device (OK, maybe that wouldn’t be so bad.) Worse yet, we might not even have televisions.

We’d still be using leeches instead of antibiotics. And dying from common viruses with no childhood immunizations.

We’d still be using iceboxes, waiting weeks for our mail to be delivered via Pony, pumping our water at the well. I won’t even mention going out back in the middle of the night. (OK, I mentioned it.) Shutter the thought!

Good grief, we might still think the world was flat and never get to visit Hawaii or Tahiti or Bali (or wherever we’d like to go.)

You get the idea. We cannot grow, advance, improve our lives, and change the world or our individual circumstances, without being willing to change. We would be confined to the life that we were born into, repeating the same behaviors over and over again, no hope for advancement, and a better life.

What do we have to fear? Success. Happiness. New friends and colleagues. Expanding our horizons. Learning new skills.

Those things don’t sound so bad, do they?

What do we have to lose? The comfort of routine. The familiar. The approval of those around us who are fearful of change. Pride if we make a mistake.

Those things don’t actually serve us, do they? Well maybe the pride, but usually it’s misplaced anyway…

Change. Be bold. Be daring. Be hopeful. Be creative. Be alive.

The ball is in your court.

It’s your turn. What do you think?

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3 Simple Steps to Achieve a Higher Quality Life

By Royale on February 20, 2012 in Goals, Happiness, Health, Inspiration, Personal Growth, Questions, Relationships

It may seem fanciful, but it’s not. Studies have shown that people are more likely to be happier and find more personal and profession success as well as experience more life satisfaction, when they have a vision of what they want their future to look like. It’s simple logic really and the process is quite painless.

Make a Wish List – Include both personal and professional wishes in every area of your life, tangible and intangible.

Some examples from my wish list:

I wish I could spend each day doing what I love.

I wish to touch the lives of those around me.

I wish for financial security so that I don’t have to worry about money.

I wish to be healthy in mind and body.

Now, make your own wish list. Maybe you want to express your creativity. Maybe you want your own business or a new car. Perhaps you want a loving relationship or better work-life balance. This list of wishes will help guide you toward what you truly want in life.

Describe Your Ideal Day – Again you may say it’s fanciful; I say it’s crucial to achieving your goals of happiness and success.

What would your ideal day look like?

Where would you be?

Whom would you be with?

What would you be doing?

What would you be feeling?

Your first inclination might be to think of a vacation or life of leisure, but though you might not believe it that would get old eventually. Instead, envision a normal day, the way you’d like it to be.

Think Backwards – It sounds odd, but is actually necessary and practical.

What would have to happen for you to make these wishes and your ideal life a reality?

What habits, behaviors, and beliefs would you need to change?

What actions would you need to take?

What would you need to learn?

Ponder the disparity between where you are and where you want to go. It may look impossible, but it is doable, although you may discover along the way that the answers to these questions changes. I’ll leave that for a future post. Consider what small step you could take to bridge the gap and move forward towards the life you envision.

Share what’s on your wish list?

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Summarize Your Life in 6 Words

By Royale on February 3, 2012 in Inspiration, Personal Growth, Questions

A discussion was recently posted to one of my LinkedIn groups asking us to describe our lives in six words. Inspired by the Six-Word Memoir Project, it created a very fascinating discussion. If you could only use six words to tell your memoir and communicate your life to someone, what would they be?

My response… Work hard! Play often! Love much!

How about you? Can you sum up your life in six words?

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Create a Life Plan in 30 Minutes or Less…and Why You Need to

By Royale on January 2, 2012 in Happiness, Life Balance, Mood, Personal Growth, Questions, Work

Do you have a life plan? If not, it’s time to think about creating one. We are not talking about some 20 page research paper with charts and graphs and maps. Just a general snapshot of where you are right now in all the areas that matter and where you’d like to go in the future.

This should take no more than 30 minutes. This is your life we’re talking about…you can find 30 minutes. And if you can’t …we need to talk, you and I.

How would you rate your life on a scale of 1 – 10? – Are you satisfied with that rating? What would you be satisfied with?

Write a brief description of the current state of your life. – Health, relationships, work, finances, spiritual or emotional well-being, community, etc. Whatever is going on. Just briefly jot it down.

What makes you happy? – There must be some good things, some things that bring you joy and make you laugh.

What are the drains on your energy and happiness? – What people, situations or behaviors are your kryptonite? We all have these things (or someones) that suck the life out of us like vampires draining our life force.

What isn’t working in your life? - These are the obstacles to living a satisfied life of fulfillment…Do you need to lose weight, be more organized, find a different job, end or change a relationship, manage your stress better or maybe just learn to laugh again.

Now describe your ideal life. - I’m not talking about a commercial for the “Rich and Famous,” some Hollywood fairy tale. I’m talking about what kind of life would truly make you happy to get out of bed in the morning. What would you be doing? Who would you be with? How would you be feeling?

What do you need to do to get that life? – What needs to happen for you to get from point A to point B? Again, not a detailed outline of actions for the next 20 years, just some general goals to work toward, a few habits to adopt or a change in attitude or surroundings to adopt.

Something to think about…Why? Why do you want whatever it is that you want? What do you really want to accomplish in this life? What kind of person do you want to be? What do you want to be remembered for?

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Important Question: How Much Time am I Willing to Spend on This?

By Royale on October 28, 2011 in Productivity, Questions, Time

“There’s a very positive relationship between people’s ability to accomplish any task and the time they’re willing to spend on it.” – Joyce Brothers

Image by alancleaver_2000 via Flickr

Before you start any new task, ask yourself, “How much time am I willing to spend on this?” If you are in a leadership role, the question might be, “How much of my team’s or company’s time am I willing to devote to this task?”

The answer actually answers two very basic questions:

The simple question

How much time will I set aside for this task? Set your timer or schedule this in your day and get going.

The underlying question

How important is this task to my career, my life, my business or my goals? Generally the more time you’re willing to devote to any task or project, the more important you feel it is to you.

So, perhaps the more interesting question is, “Should I be doing this at all?”

Question everything, move forward, enjoy the journey.

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What is Your Intention Today?

By Royale on September 30, 2011 in Goals, Questions

Image via Wikipedia

Question

What is your intention?

That may be the most important question you ask yourself every day. In every aspect of your life, work, home, relationships, actions or choices, knowing your intention gives you the proper focus and direction.

If you don’t know what your intention is then you are floundering about like a tiny rowboat in the ocean. You will get tossed back and forth at the whims of the moment. But if you know what your intention is, if you know what you really want to get out of every day, interaction, relationship, task, and activity, then you are more likely to get it.

That does not mean that every single action we take must have a complex intention. It might be as simple as my intention is to be to be curious, observant, kind and open to new possibilities. That is broad enough and yet clear enough to set your course.

Question everything, move forward, enjoy the journey.