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In Defense of Instant Gratification

By Royale on May 11, 2012 in Fun!, Habits, Happiness, Questions, Stress

The precept of delayed gratification has been preached to us, drummed into our heads, until we no longer question it. It has been awarded lauded status, an unquestionable tenet, almost a commandment. “Thou shalt delay gratification.”

We learn this message early in life. Many of us cling to this rule, to the point of martyrdom.

Work before play, save for the future, the payoff is somewhere down the road, pleasure and enjoyment must be earned through hard work.

You know who you are. My hand is in the air!

If your hand is not in the air, you probably don’t need to read the rest of this post.

What it isn’t

We have a pervasive misconception of what instant gratification is. Indulgence, excess, possessions we can’t afford, too much play and not enough work, self-centered wandering lives, with no purpose or meaning. But that’s not what instant gratification really is.

Instant gratification is not the same thing as laziness. It’s not selfishness. It’s not shortsightedness. It’s not a lack of self-motivation.

What it is

The true definition of instant gratification is enjoying our lives, in the present moment. The problem is that most of us are at one end of the spectrum or the other. We are either self-indulgent, or self-denying. Or… We practice self-denial, then binge in self-indulgence, then feel guilty, and punish ourselves by practicing self-denial.

Instant gratification and delayed gratification are not mutually exclusive. Why can’t they coexist?

Wouldn’t life be better, more enjoyable, if we could both plan for the future, and reward ourselves right now?

Are we afraid that if we have fun now we won’t want to work hard later?
Are we worried that if we eat dessert now will never get to the vegetables?

It’s important to question those unwritten rules that we learned along the way. See if they still apply? Were they ever in our best interests? If we ever intend to be mindful, successful, and truly enjoyed our lives, we need to think for ourselves.

How to use it

How can we use both instant gratification and delayed gratification to achieve be happy, lower stress, balanced, yet successful and meaningful lives that we all desire?

Can we save for the future and indulge in some “luxuries” now?
Can we work hard and still find time for play today?
Can we have full lives and still take time for ourselves every occasionally?
Can we be disciplined, determined, and driven, yet still do something fun and frivolous with our time?

Your turn

Your challenge, should you choose to accept it…

Question this belief for yourself. Practice instant gratification at least once this week and see how you feel about it.

Your thoughts? Where do you fall on the spectrum?

Are you an instant gratifier or a delayed gratifier? How and why?

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Make a Career Out of Being Happy

By Royale on May 3, 2012 in Happiness, Work

A friend sent this excerpt to me recently and it struck a chord, so perhaps it will with you as well.

“A very good career choice would be to gravitate toward those activities and to embrace those desires that harmonize with your core intentions, which are freedom and growth—and joy. Make a “career” of living a happy life rather than trying to find work that will produce enough income that you can do things with your money that will then make you happy. When feeling happy is of paramount importance to you—and what you do “for a living” makes you happy—you have found the best of all combinations.”

- Excerpted from the book “Money and the Law of Attraction: Learning to Attract Health, Wealth and Happiness”

Let me be very clear, I’m not saying quit your job if it doesn’t make you happy and go on some spiritual quest for happiness and hope that money flows to you.

What I am saying is that, I think there is validity in the premise that if we try to align our career choices with our intentions, values, passion and talents, that not only will we be happier, we are likely to be more successful as well.

Your turn

Have you found this to be true in your life? Care to share?

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Change or Die

By Royale on March 23, 2012 in Creativity, Habits, Happiness, Personal Growth, Questions

Change is constant; you can either embrace it and move forward or resist it and get run over.

Do you fear change? A little uncertain?

The usual conversation in our head goes something like this:

“Well maybe it would be good, but what if it doesn’t work out. Things aren’t going that well, but at least I know what to expect. I’ve been doing, thinking, and acting this way for so long, I don’t know how to be different. People won’t like me if I change. It’s not worth the hassle. I’m not sure I can change anyway.”

We need to recognize that’s only our fear talking. We have been conditioned from birth to conform. We are creatures of habit. We live what we learn. We are mistrustful of new ideas. New ways of doing things seem uncomfortable.

Question that thinking.

It’s a knee jerk response. Look at the broader reality of history. The only way we grow both as individuals and as a society is through change. All of our pioneering inventions that improved our lives, our innovative solutions that solved major world problems, involved massive change. Changes in our technology, changes in our practices, and most of all changes in our mindset.

We would have no iPad, no apps; we might not even have the internet. Horror!

We’d still be sending messages via telegraph instead mobile phones that allow us to call and text from almost anywhere instantaneously.

We’d still have to get up to turn the channel on the television, instead of using a remote that can operate all of our electronics in one handy little device (OK, maybe that wouldn’t be so bad.) Worse yet, we might not even have televisions.

We’d still be using leeches instead of antibiotics. And dying from common viruses with no childhood immunizations.

We’d still be using iceboxes, waiting weeks for our mail to be delivered via Pony, pumping our water at the well. I won’t even mention going out back in the middle of the night. (OK, I mentioned it.) Shutter the thought!

Good grief, we might still think the world was flat and never get to visit Hawaii or Tahiti or Bali (or wherever we’d like to go.)

You get the idea. We cannot grow, advance, improve our lives, and change the world or our individual circumstances, without being willing to change. We would be confined to the life that we were born into, repeating the same behaviors over and over again, no hope for advancement, and a better life.

What do we have to fear? Success. Happiness. New friends and colleagues. Expanding our horizons. Learning new skills.

Those things don’t sound so bad, do they?

What do we have to lose? The comfort of routine. The familiar. The approval of those around us who are fearful of change. Pride if we make a mistake.

Those things don’t actually serve us, do they? Well maybe the pride, but usually it’s misplaced anyway…

Change. Be bold. Be daring. Be hopeful. Be creative. Be alive.

The ball is in your court.

It’s your turn. What do you think?

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10 Things You Could Do With an Extra Hour per Day

By Royale on March 7, 2012 in Happiness, Health, Inspiration, Personal Growth, Productivity

Image via Wikipedia

Have you ever stopped to think about how you could spend an extra hour a day if you had one? I surely have, quite often actually…and here are some of my suggestions.

1. Write the novel you’ve always wanted to write

At the normal average of writing 500 words per hour, you could finish and proof a typical 80,000-word novel in 6 months. See you on the bestseller’s list…

2. Participate in a daily exercise program

Even just walking an hour a day, burning the minimum 300 calories, you could lose 30 pounds in a year. Or not gain 30 pounds…

3. Play with your children

If you spent an average of 60 minutes a day interacting with your children each day, you would add an impressive 365 hours a year to your parenting journey. That’s quality and quantity time…

4. Read that stack of books sitting on your shelf

If you read an hour per day, you could finish nearly 50 books in one year. That’s amazing…

5. Work an extra hour a day

I don’t recommend this, but if you in need extra money or are working toward some large career goal, you could earn an additional $5,000-$15,000 in a year, depending on your hourly rate. That’s not chump change…

6. Learn a new skill

In an hour a day, you could learn to play an instrument, a new sport, or a new hobby in less than a year.

7. Make a Difference

Volunteering in America data shows that the average person who volunteers their time gives around 52 hours a year. Even more interesting, the average value of one volunteer hour to an organization is $21.36. That means that by volunteering an hour per day, you could effectively donate nearly $8,000 worth of volunteer time. That’s really making a difference…

8. Find inner peace

If you used your extra hour to meditate, journal or do yoga, you would be giving yourself the gift of literally 15 days per year dedicated to peace, calm, and inspiration. As an added bonus, lowering stress and cultivating a positive attitude can lengthen your life span as much as 9 years. If that’s not incentive to meditate, I don’t know what is…

9. Laugh and have some fun

Laughter raises serotonin and dopamine levels, which increase happiness, and decreases stress levels. It also makes you more enjoyable to be around, which may improve the relationships in your life. Moreover, if you are going to live longer, you may as well have fun while you’re doing it…

10. Spend time really connecting with the people in your life

Think about all of the relationships you could improve if you invested only an extra hour per day. You could have a more active love life, strengthen your marriage, call your mother, make new friends, or participate in a club or organization that interests you. Aren’t relationships what life is ultimately about anyway?

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If Only it Were That Simple

By Royale on March 2, 2012 in Happiness, Work

If only…

Family Circus cartoon 2012

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Things We Need To Do Each Day to Improve our Quality Of Life

By Royale on February 24, 2012 in Habits, Happiness, Health, Personal Growth

Inspired by a post of Gretchen Rubin’s a while back, I’ve been mulling over my own list of things I must do to each day to have the quality of life that I desire. What actions are absolutely crucial for me to experience a sense of well-being, good health, and achieve a balanced life in the midst of a busy day?

I agree with Gretchen that these items should not be goals; they need to be specific actions. Imagine a daily checklist. If you clearly can determine if you’ve done it, then it goes on the list. If it’s vague or subjective, it doesn’t make the cut. We are not talking about ideals or principles, but concrete actions that you could take every day.

I however, do not agree that habits of attitude, gratitude, learning, and such should be automatically eliminated. I also do not believe that something should not be included if it does not apply to others. This is your list, it belongs to you and should be personalized to suit your needs.

Some of my “Must Dos”

Take my vitamins

Move my body in some way

Get outside

Spend time alone

Connect in some way with my loved ones

Write in my gratitude journal

Enjoy a good laugh

Engage my mind – learn something new, read, have an interesting conversation, exercise my brain through word games, puzzles, etc

Tidy my surroundings – make my bed, clean up the kitchen, and such

Consume at least 5 fruits and vegetables

Drink 8 glasses of water

Get sufficient quality and quantity sleep

When I don’t do these things, I feel off-balance, ineffective and grumpy. The quality of my life suffers. As I said before my list is different from Gretchen’s and it will be different from yours.

What would you have on your list?

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3 Simple Steps to Achieve a Higher Quality Life

By Royale on February 20, 2012 in Goals, Happiness, Health, Inspiration, Personal Growth, Questions, Relationships

It may seem fanciful, but it’s not. Studies have shown that people are more likely to be happier and find more personal and profession success as well as experience more life satisfaction, when they have a vision of what they want their future to look like. It’s simple logic really and the process is quite painless.

Make a Wish List – Include both personal and professional wishes in every area of your life, tangible and intangible.

Some examples from my wish list:

I wish I could spend each day doing what I love.

I wish to touch the lives of those around me.

I wish for financial security so that I don’t have to worry about money.

I wish to be healthy in mind and body.

Now, make your own wish list. Maybe you want to express your creativity. Maybe you want your own business or a new car. Perhaps you want a loving relationship or better work-life balance. This list of wishes will help guide you toward what you truly want in life.

Describe Your Ideal Day – Again you may say it’s fanciful; I say it’s crucial to achieving your goals of happiness and success.

What would your ideal day look like?

Where would you be?

Whom would you be with?

What would you be doing?

What would you be feeling?

Your first inclination might be to think of a vacation or life of leisure, but though you might not believe it that would get old eventually. Instead, envision a normal day, the way you’d like it to be.

Think Backwards – It sounds odd, but is actually necessary and practical.

What would have to happen for you to make these wishes and your ideal life a reality?

What habits, behaviors, and beliefs would you need to change?

What actions would you need to take?

What would you need to learn?

Ponder the disparity between where you are and where you want to go. It may look impossible, but it is doable, although you may discover along the way that the answers to these questions changes. I’ll leave that for a future post. Consider what small step you could take to bridge the gap and move forward towards the life you envision.

Share what’s on your wish list?

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The Best Place To Find Happiness

By Royale on February 10, 2012 in Gratitude, Happiness, Health, Inspiration, Mood

Why are so many of us so unhappy? Maybe we’re not unhappy per see, but we aren’t truly content with our lives and we certainly don’t feel real joy every day. An overwhelming majority of people struggle with this problem.

The answer…We’re looking for happiness in the wrong places.

Happiness cannot be found in a nice car, fresh haircut, better relationship, new city, or even a different job. It also can’t be found in fun vacations, fancy houses, and large bank accounts. Success won’t guarantee it, neither will love.

It can’t be found in a thinner body or a sparkly piece of bling (though you might come close.) It’s not in books or on the internet. You certainly can’t get to it through Facebook, (but I like it anyway.)

Oh, it can exist in all of these places, but not if we’re seeking it. Surprisingly, it can also exist in heartbreak and loss, in failure and poverty.

Where can we find happiness then?

We can travel a long way and do many things, but our deepest happiness is not born from accumulating new experiences. It is born from letting go of what is unnecessary, and knowing ourselves to be always at home. - Sharon Salzberg

Happiness is inside us. Only inside us and nowhere else. That doesn’t mean that you can’t have all of those nice things mentioned above. They might even make you feel better temporarily, but they won’t bring you happiness.

We’ve hear this before right? But, how do we find the happiness inside us? If it’s always been hiding inside us, but we haven’t managed to locate it, then we must be doing something wrong.

Yes, we are, because we don’t understand what happiness is. It is not fireworks and giddiness. It’s not smiling all of the time or loving everything that happens in life.

It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

- Agnes Repplier

It’s rather a matter of perception. It’s in how we view the world and our role in it. Abraham Lincoln had it right, “Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”

If unhappiness springs from discontent, it stands to reason that happiness springs from contentment. The extent of which we feel content with lives determines our level of happiness. That doesn’t mean that we can’t strive for a better life or try to positive make changes. It is important to seek professional and personal growth, to achieve our goals and to find a better life balance.

What it does mean is that we can choose to be happy. We can decide to accept life the way it is, rather than always wishing for something different…I’ll be happy when… We can elect to have an attitude of happiness. It’s our attitude, what is stopping us from changing it?

We can be grateful for what life has brought us, both large and small. We can savor each day as a new opportunity to look for the happiness that exists inside of us.

As the Glenda the Good Witch reminds us, “You’ve always had the power…”

The question is… Will you use it?

Share how you find, express, or cultivate your happiness…

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10 Minutes to a Lower Stress Life Series: Reducers to the Rescue

By Royale on January 25, 2012 in Happiness, Health, Life Balance, Personal Growth, Stress

Photo by JFPescatore (CC BY-SA 2.0)

While we have acknowledged that stress cannot be avoided all together, there are some practices we can employ while in the throes of life stress that can bring our stress levels down and minimize both the short and long-term effects of stress on our bodies and minds. Again, these are different for each person; what might be work for one, doesn’t work for another. The key is in knowing what they are so that you can take them out of your little bag of calming tricks when you need them most and get back to a better life balance.

Lower Stress Strategy: Employ your stress reducers.

Stress reducers are practices that we can use in the moment of, or directly after, a stressful situation. These actions that can help to calm and bring your stress back down to a manageable level so that you can get on with the rest of your day and not get stuck in the stress cycle.

Take 10 minutes to list 5-10 strategies (more if you want) that reduce or short-circuit stress.

Some of my stress reducers:

Petting my dogs – The touch and rhythm of the action, coupled with the affection soothe my angry beast.

Listening to music – Surprisingly, the genre doesn’t matter. Classical, rock, blues, it all works for me.

Fresh air – Stepping outside or even opening the window release tension and bring me back down.

Deep breathing – This is talked about all the time, but it really works. A few minutes of deep slow breathes lower my heart rate and blood pressure.

Running – I love walking and yoga, but they do not work for me after stress has occurred. I need to get my blood pumping and burn off the stress.

Looking at pictures of my children and grandson – The smiles and simple enjoyment of life, the reminder of love and the bigger picture help me to put things in perspective.

What are your reducers? Care to share…

In the rest of this series on lowering stress, we look at more strategies to reduce stress and how to avoid it before it starts.

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Create a Life Plan in 30 Minutes or Less…and Why You Need to

By Royale on January 2, 2012 in Happiness, Life Balance, Mood, Personal Growth, Questions, Work

Do you have a life plan? If not, it’s time to think about creating one. We are not talking about some 20 page research paper with charts and graphs and maps. Just a general snapshot of where you are right now in all the areas that matter and where you’d like to go in the future.

This should take no more than 30 minutes. This is your life we’re talking about…you can find 30 minutes. And if you can’t …we need to talk, you and I.

How would you rate your life on a scale of 1 – 10? – Are you satisfied with that rating? What would you be satisfied with?

Write a brief description of the current state of your life. – Health, relationships, work, finances, spiritual or emotional well-being, community, etc. Whatever is going on. Just briefly jot it down.

What makes you happy? – There must be some good things, some things that bring you joy and make you laugh.

What are the drains on your energy and happiness? – What people, situations or behaviors are your kryptonite? We all have these things (or someones) that suck the life out of us like vampires draining our life force.

What isn’t working in your life? - These are the obstacles to living a satisfied life of fulfillment…Do you need to lose weight, be more organized, find a different job, end or change a relationship, manage your stress better or maybe just learn to laugh again.

Now describe your ideal life. - I’m not talking about a commercial for the “Rich and Famous,” some Hollywood fairy tale. I’m talking about what kind of life would truly make you happy to get out of bed in the morning. What would you be doing? Who would you be with? How would you be feeling?

What do you need to do to get that life? – What needs to happen for you to get from point A to point B? Again, not a detailed outline of actions for the next 20 years, just some general goals to work toward, a few habits to adopt or a change in attitude or surroundings to adopt.

Something to think about…Why? Why do you want whatever it is that you want? What do you really want to accomplish in this life? What kind of person do you want to be? What do you want to be remembered for?

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